Monday, August 25, 2008

CHAPTER 36 ~ THE WHY
Hi All!
I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. It will be hard for me to walk away from Aiden as well and I'll be sad when his final sentence is written. Although, for me the story will last much longer as I still have to edit and rewrite. Still, it's always hard to say goodbye to a character, but Aiden is in many ways my inner character. Aiden has gone through more of my own struggles, especially with Deus, than any other character I've every written. And that will be hard to give up as well. Saying that though, I'm dying to start writing my Liberty Series and I've vowed not to start until Aiden is finished his first draft. So, I'm also anxious to get him done.
Katie, I think we've been writing these for around two years now. Wow, that seems odd. As for Travon, I don't believe I ever mention an exact age for him and its not ever in my notes, but I believe he is around 16 and 17 during the course of the story. Hopefully, he sounds that way!
And now, faithful readers, your weekly fix of Aiden... um, well, in this case it might be Kristalyn, but hey, he's there too! At any rate, the length of this one should make up for the length of the last one!

CHAPTER 36 ~ THE WHY

KRISTALYN

A knock on the door forced me out of bed. I had been enjoying the extra rest of late, if that is what one would call it. I had been imagining what a reunion with Tray might look like. The thoughts made me equally happy and sad.

I opened the door to find a highly agitated Aiden and something else. There was something in his eyes, something different.

“What’s wrong? Are all the animals okay? Are you?” I asked in a rush.

“Get your things together. We’re leaving,” he said, before turning to knock on Travon’s door.

“What?” I asked in shock as Travon opened his door.

Aiden repeated his instructions then moved down to his own room, opening the door, and entering. Travon and I looked at each other in surprise, before we quickly followed him.

“Aiden! What is going on? What happened?”

He was already packing his few things.

“Wren’s falcon came back. Arnan is not here.”

“Okay…” I said slowly, assimilating the news. I crossed to his bed and sat down. Travon leaned against the door frame to watch and listen. “So, where is he?”

“Wren didn’t say.”

The short answers weren’t getting me anywhere very fast.

“Aiden!”

He stopped to look up at me.

“Slow down and explain. Please,” I added as an after thought.

“Arnan didn’t kill the king and queen, but many believe he has. He is safe for now, but perhaps not much longer. Wren set out the trail we followed as a false lead.” Here he did slow down.

He stopped altogether and crossed over to me. He was towering above me and I had to strain to look up at him. I was shocked when he lowered himself down to be at my level. Something was wrong.

“Kristalyn, Arnan needs a safe place to go too and the only one I can think of is Braedoch Forest. I have to face Duard. I have to go back.” His voice was low and firm. He had thought this through at least somewhat. Whatever the process had been, he was determined.

“Oh,” was all I could think of to say. He was heading home.

“We need to leave right away. Unless, you aren’t coming with me.”

I couldn’t move. I needed more time. I couldn’t answer that. Could I? This wasn’t the plan! This wasn’t what I had agreed too. What was going on?

Aiden’s gaze had not left mine and I could tell he saw emotions soaring through them, but I couldn’t stop them or him from seeing them. A small smile graced his face, but it was almost an understanding one. Before I could process that he turned and stood, suddenly freeing me from the grasp he had somehow held over me.

“What about you, Travon? Do you still want to travel with me?”

Travon straightened from the doorway. “I said I’d come with you and I will. I don’t care where that is.”

Aiden nodded. “Good. Get your things then.”

Travon grinned and disappeared. Aiden glanced at me and then went back to his packing.

“Why the change, Aiden? You’ve always said you still needed more training. Why are you suddenly ready?” I finally found my voice. I still needed answers and I couldn’t answer his question without them.

“I have to be. Arnan needs a safe place, so does my family. This has always been my purpose. It’s time I finished what I set out to do,” his voice was low and held no hint of hesitation.

He had changed. Something on that mountain had changed and it wasn’t just his sudden decision. I had seen it earlier in his eyes. He was different, confident. But I still didn’t understand why. Was it simply because he decided he had to be or was there something more? What wasn’t he telling me?

I decided to ask. “What aren’t you telling me, Aiden? What else happened on that mountain?”

He glanced at me. “Why does it have to be more? Whether or not I am ready to met Duard’s challenge, I have waited too long. My siblings have been separated for almost three years. I can’t let them suffer because of me anymore.”

“You still think the split was your fault? Duard did this, Aiden, not you!” Why couldn’t he see that?

Aiden turned to face me. “Did he or did Deus let it happen?”

“Deus?” It was the first time he had ever mentioned Deus’ name before me, but what was more astonishing was that I did not hear the usual animosity in his voice. Had Deus made the change in Aiden? I took a breath. “You know Deus let’s us choose our own paths with their own consequences.”

“Do I? So, if this is my path, why do you still question me?” Aiden asked, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I question the motives of the path you have chosen,” I stated carefully. He had been listening. He wasn’t totally correct in his logic, but it was there none the less. Could he truly be acknowledging Deus existence?

“Motives? Is protecting my family a wrong motive?”

“No! Of course not, but is that your only motive or what you are using to cover the truth?” I couldn’t back down, not now.

“Kristalyn! I am not discussing this with you right now! I am leaving to face Duard. I will conquer him and I will bring my family back. It is a long trip and I do not know how long it will take.” He paused to take a breath then locked his eyes back on mine. “Will you come with me, Kristalyn, or will you return to your home and brother?”

I wanted to answer! I wanted to say something. But I could only sit there, my heart beating with emotions I could not define. He almost sounded as if he wanted me to be with him. And still I could not answer.

He turned and slowly put a length of rope in his pack. He was giving me time.

The plan was not to go back to the forest! It was so far away and no one knew the amount of time it would take or what we would find when we arrived. I had thought to help him only find his brother, Arnan. In truth, I thought our trip would end here in Cequelet. If I continued with him, I would be going over the rest of the mountain range and into a foreign land I did not know. It would be months before I might return. I would not see Tray or my mother in all that time. He already believed me to be keeping secrets from him. I was. How could I hurt him even more? What if the secret I kept and time were too much? Would I damage our relationship beyond repair? Regardless, I had no desire to wait a large amount of unknown time before I saw him again. And yet… and yet I did. Not to stay away from him, but to be with Aiden.

He was rearranging his things now, waiting for me. Despite his desire to start off quickly, he was waiting for my decision. I owed him that… and so much more.

When I had left Aerilya, it was with a mission. That mission had not yet been completed. There was no way around it, no way to pretend that fact did not exist. I had come because I had a duty to help Aiden, to give back to him some of the help and time he had given to me, to help him find his brother. I had not done that. Aiden knew Arnan was in danger, but he still didn’t know where and he had come up with the only plan he could to protect his younger brother. He was going to go back and fight for a place his brother could be safe at. Was that not the point of the mission? To not only find his brother, but to keep him safe? How then could I leave before it was accomplished?

Only it wasn’t that simple. It never was. Tray was counting on me to come home, not travel across unknown lands. If something should go wrong, I might never see my brother again. Did I have the right to decide that?

I shook my head, disgusted with myself, even that was not my real problem. Despite how much it hurt, leaving Tray was still an excuse. My problem was much larger than that. I had known when I left that I was truly in danger of Aiden. If I stayed with him longer than I first thought, could I keep my heart away from his? This was a much longer trip and each day I was with him was one more day I struggled to stay away.

I had seen Aiden changing so slightly. He had been listening to our conversations about Deus. Now, he came close to admitting he at least acknowledged His existence. But what if that was it? I would be lost to him and him to me, just as effectively. Would I be able to return to my home knowing my heart remained with him?

There was the other side as well. My mission had been two fold and neither was complete. He might acknowledge Deus, but he had a very long way to go to accepting him. The path he continued to follow was proof of this. Deus had asked me to help show Aiden Himself and to help Aiden save his brother, I had not completed either of those two things.

There was a chance my feelings would take a free fall if I stayed around Aiden and while I hated not seeing Tray, I could not escape the fact that I had not done what Deus had asked of me I had set out with a clear set of goals and I had not yet completed them. It wasn’t something I was used too. Could I really stop now?

Deus, guide my thoughts and my heart. I have no wish to leave this man’s side. Please, help me to make a wise decision.

I received no clear answer, but a peace settled on my widely moving thoughts and emotions. Whatever my decision, it would be right.

Aiden picked up his pack and placed it on the table, his back towards me. I watched him, until he finally spoke. “Kristalyn?”

“I’m here,” I whispered.

“Have you decided?”

“No,” I answered slowly.

“I can no longer stall. Is it really that hard of a decision?” His voice drifted back to me. I heard my own emotions inside it.

“It shouldn’t be, I guess,” I answered quietly.

“Then what stops you?”

“Aiden, what do you want from me?” I asked, my heart breaking at the pain I heard in his voice.

“Nothing. I have never wanted anything from you.”

I stood and took a step towards him. “That’s not true, Aiden. Once you sought me for my connection to the Hunter and then for the skills I possessed. But all that is behind us.”

“Why follow me then?”

“I told you. Someone had to look out for you.” I smiled.

“You don’t think Deus will?”

The question surprised me and I felt my heart leap that he would care about such a question.

“Deus has guided you for a long time now, Aiden. With or without your permission.”

“That’s what Wren said.” His voice was almost so low, I didn’t hear it.

“What did your sister write you?”

He was silent for a moment, before quoting, “‘Beware Deus’ plans might bring you peace despite your best effort.’”

“She sounds like a wise woman.”

“She is.”

“Do you believe her then?” I asked, scarcely believing we were having this conversation.

“I believe she believes it. I do not know.”

“The way of peace and revenge are not the same,” I whispered.

“No, but one can come from the other,” he pointed out.

“Only revenge comes from revenge. Peace is taking a different path.”

“I do not know that path,” Aiden admitted.

I stepped forward again and placed my hand on his shoulder. I felt it give ever so slightly under me.

“Then find it, Aiden.”

“I do not know that I want too.”

“What do you want?” I asked, softly wishing I could see his face and eyes.

“To protect my family and stop Duard’s evil.” The hardness in his voice was back. With the restatement of his purpose, his fire had returned.

“There are more ways to accomplish that then the way you now seek.”

“But I know my way. I am comfortable with it and I can win.”

“Then let Deus show you a different path.” I kept the pleading note out of my voice, but just barely.

Aiden turned and his eyes met mine for the first time. Inside their shale blue depths was a storm I had never seen before. He was fighting a different battle now. Deus had gained headway, but the enemy’s grip was strong.

“I can’t believe he cares.” Though the emotion was strong in his eyes, his voice was impassive.

“He does, Aiden. He wants to prove that to you.”

“By taking you away too?”

My breath caught and my decision was made.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

***

Two weeks of traveling together and we could hardly speak to each other, though it had nothing to do with not wanting too. Three days ago the storm had hit, the weather had been bad before that, but it was nothing compared to this. The high winds forced us to move slowly and deep into the mountain range. The snow swirled in hard blankets around us and refused to slow for even a moment. Aiden had taken out his rope and had tied the leads of our horses together, then taken a second one and tied Kurioden to Magnar. The griffin had been grounded with the storm swirling overhead. Egan had taken shelter inside his pouch, which I had placed inside my coat for extra protection, but the dragon was still miserable, as were we all. Despite all attempts, we had not met with a place large enough to house all of us warmly and so, had been forced to continue on.

We had been told there was a village about two week away from Cequelet, but we had yet to encounter it, we hoped by continuing on we would get to it soon, but that hope diminished with each passing moment. I prayed we had not yet passed it without seeing it. Unfortunately, we were not sure what was after that village. We had thought to restock there and now food was running low, because we had no opportunity to hunt. Of course, I couldn’t see Travon traveling in front of me though the white blindness, so there was no way to see any potential food either.

Suddenly, Aiden appeared at my side. “I think I found a place for the moment. Come on!” He walked ahead and I felt the horse’s reigns tug slightly. He was leading my horse.

Up ahead, I saw Travon’s black shape form. We were closer now and Aiden let go of my horse to get around Travon. He paused to say something then disappeared. Soon, Travon started to move and I followed silently, keeping my head ducked low to keep the wind out.

Finally, Travon turned silently and we entered a cave of sorts. I shook my head and watched the snow fall from around my hood, before pulling it off and looking around. Aiden was at my side and me motioned for the pack. I handed Egan to him, who clacked loudly about being in the hands of someone so ignorant.

“Hush, Egan,” I said tiredly, climbing off my horse and moving him further inside to give Magnar and Kurioden room to get in.

The two animals tromped in slowly and I raced quickly to Kurioden’s side. He was covered in snow and his exposed skin was chaffed and bleeding. Quickly, I tried to brush off the snow, but much of it was frozen fast to his fur. I gave him a hug.

“I’m so sorry about this, Kurio.”

The black panther licked him face slowly and then hung his head.

“We don’t have anything to keep a fire going,” Travon lamented.

“No, but at least we are out of the wind for a bit,” Aiden said, depositing Egan on the floor.

“Aiden, we can’t stay here long. We’ll freeze.” I said, looking up to him.

He nodded slowly. “I know, Kristalyn. But at least we can be out of the wind. We’ll huddle together until most of this snow melts from us and then we’ll have to head out again.”

“To where? Do we know where we’re going in this stuff?” Travon questioned, his voice young and hopeless.

“To where I never have to see snow again,” Aiden responded, but then added, “I hope.”

I unrolled a blanket from on of the horses and carefully moved it up and down the animals body. “Help me, Travon. We have to get the horses warmed first. Move them close together.”

Travon shot me a look. “They can’t get any closer.”

Travon was right. The cave almost didn’t fit all of us, but I wasn’t going to complain at the moment.

“Help me anyway. Aiden, if we sleep all together with the animals, do you think it would be safe?” I asked, concentrating on my task.

I felt Aiden’s eyes on me, though I couldn’t see him. “I don’t think we have much of a choice. I’m worried about the snow getting to high and blocking us in. So, I’m going to stay awake. But if you and Travon each sleep on a side of Magnar, you should be able to stay pretty warm. I’ll keep Kurioden with me.”

I turned to look at him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, hurry up with the horses and get some sleep. Kurioden, come here and I’ll dry you off.”

The large cat gave me a look of slight confusion, one I shared, but he went to Aiden, who began to rub him down. In a few moments, we had finished and Travon and I had curled up next to Magnar. Our exhausted bodies didn’t take long to fall asleep.

When I awoke, it was to find Aiden and Kurioden sleeping together and the wind outside only slightly calmer than the night before.

Oh, Deus. We could really use a break in this storm. We aren’t going to last much longer, if we have to keep fighting it.

I turned and headed back into the cave to pull out some breakfast, though the meager amount of food couldn’t really be called that. A few moments later, everyone was awake and had eaten.

“Are you ready to head back out?” Aiden asked calmly.

Travon stuck out his tongue. “Do we have too?”

“We can’t stay here. We’ll freeze before too long and we have at least a slim chance of getting food out there and finding better shelter,” Aiden replied.

“Yeah, because that’s worked so far,” Travon muttered, but he rose to ready the horses.

Aiden turned and calling Kurioden too him, pulled something over to him from the side of the cave.

“What’s that?” I asked, curiously.

Aiden shrugged. “Something I made for Kurioden.”

“Something you made…” my voice trailed off as I watched in wonder.

Aiden pulled out four strips of leather and tied one around each of Kurioden’s legs, covering them fully. Then he placed four shoe-like bags over each of his paws. Finally, he placed a large piece over his back and tied it under his belly.

“What?” I asked, when I finally found my voice.

Aiden rechecked all his adjustments and didn’t look at me when he replied. “Kurioden shouldn’t be in weather like this, so I’m hoping this will help keep him warm.”

“When did you come up with this?”

“I bought the supplies back in that first village before the mountains. I should have made it sooner, but he didn’t need it at first and then it took longer than I thought. Sorry about that, Kurio,” Aiden apologized to the panther, who gave him a giant lick on his face.

He had spent thought and time on Kurioden? When did he start caring about my panther? And since when did he call Kurioden by his nickname?

Aiden stood and glanced at me.

“What? It isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Yes, it is. Thank you,” I responded still surprised at this newest change in attitude.

Aiden nodded and turned immediately, to see Travon and Egan watching the end of the exchange. “Let’s get moving then.”

He took out the rope again, and after everyone was properly bundled, tied us together again. We were facing the snow and wind again shortly after, but my mind was still on Aiden and the look on his face when he had been ‘caught’ helping my panther. It had been such a change and my heart had leapt at the caring act. Once again, Aiden proved his heart beat for those he cared about. Could I be one of them? Everything in me wished it was so, despite the trouble I knew it would cause me in the end. I hated admitting it. I cared for Aiden and I wanted him to care for me.

***

We stopped twice more for the night, before we finally found the salvation I had been praying for. Travon spotted it first. In the snow, Aiden had passed right by it. Thankfully, the wind died enough that when Travon passed, it could be clearly seen. His yell brought everyone to a halt.

Carefully, he dismounted and made his way towards the small building as I pulled up along side his horse and Aiden made his way back to us. The back of the cabin was built directly into the mountain. Travon knocked on the door and then pushed it open. Shortly he reappeared.

“It’s empty!”

Aiden reached up and I handed him Egan before climbing down myself.

“Watch the horses for a second,” he called, placing the dragon’s pack over his own shoulder and heading after Travon. I quickly gathered the rains for the three horses and waited as Magnar and Kurioden caught up.

“We might have a place to stay.” I informed them.

“Good,” Magnar responded shortly and Kurioden just kept his eyes on the door.

Aiden appeared at the door. “Come on, it goes back far enough we can get even the horses in.”

I tugged on their reigns and led them to the cabin door. Aiden and I coached them inside, though they needed little encouragement to get out of the harsh wind. After Magnar and Kurioden were safely inside, I stepped into the cabin myself.

It was very primitive, but warm compared to outside. There was a bunk on the left wall with a shelf above it. The rear wall was all rock and the three horses were over by it. A fireplace was on the right wall, right before the mountain walls started to take over. A table with no chairs stood in the center of the room, but it was the site of all the firewood piled against the back wall that was the most encouraging.

“Heat!” Travon exclaimed, obviously happy about that part too.

“Let’s start a fire,” I agreed.

Travon gladly jumped too it, while I turned to Aiden.

“Thank Deus for this find,” I said softly.

Aiden nodded absently and I wondered if he knew what he had agreed too.

“Aiden?”

“We have heat now, but what about food?” Aiden’s eyes met mine. “Ours isn’t going to last much longer, Kristalyn. And we may be here a while. I don’t want to leave here until the winter has settled.”

I nodded. “This is the best shelter we’ve found so far.”

“And we don’t know where that village is or the next one might be.”

“So, we have shelter, but no food,” I said quietly.

“Pray to your Deus, Kristalyn. We’re going to need help.”

“He’s your Deus too, Aiden.” I replied, watching for his reaction and wanting him to admit to it.

He gazed at me for a moment. “Not yet.”

He didn’t have to say more. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his tone of voice. He was telling me he was still changing and Deus was making headway, but slowly. It was a victory, yet was it enough? When would Aiden realize his motives were making his path wrong? Would that come too late? Only Deus knew and I could only pray.

***

“I’m starving!” Travon whined louder this time.

I sighed loudly. This was nothing new. We had been holed up in the cabin for almost a week now. Our food was almost out. We had been rationing it past what it should have been. Somehow, Deus had made it last this long. Aiden and Magnar had ventured out only a few times to try to find the village or food. The village had been totally unsuccessful, but twice they had come back with some meat that had kept us from starving. We had also found some rather old food preserved in a small space in the back rock wall and had made use of that as well. However, in my mind, this wasn’t the worst part of our situation. No, by far, the worst thing was that were we are stuck together in a one room space with no escape from each other. Aiden was going insane and the rest of us weren’t far behind him.

“Travon, if you say that one more time I swear I’m not responsible for what happens to you!”

“Death is better than this!” Travon exclaimed.

Aiden turned to him, eyes sparking. “That can be arranged!”

“Hey!” The youth protested.

“Aiden, will you please quite getting him worked up. There is not enough room in here for your fighting ego,” I said wearily, laying back against the wall.

“My what?” Aiden turned to stare at me.

“Oh, you heard me,” I muttered.

Cretan. Egan clacked from his perch on the shelf he had long ago claimed s his own, after unceremoniously dumping everything else off of it.

“He is not and you’re not helping,” I stated, shooting the dragon a glare.

“What did the loud mouth say this time?” Aiden demanded.

“That he is in total love with you,” I answered, not going to give the two of them any more fodder to use against each other. They had been at it since we had entered the cave and I seriously wished Deus would grant one of them muteness for a good long while. The only thing that kept the sanity was that Aiden couldn’t understand everything the dragon clacked at him.

“He’s calling me names again, isn’t he?” Aiden glared at the lithe dragon.

“What does it matter?” I asked. “You’re the person, he’s the dragon. Grow up, Aiden. Please!”

“That’s right, he’s the dragon,” Aiden’s voice took on a tone I defiantly did not like.

I sat up quickly and looked at the man who was staring at Egan with a new look in his eye. The dragon stared back, his scales turning black, and tail flicking ominously.

“Travon, you still starving?” Aiden asked, conversationally.

“Yeah!” The youth’s eyes lit up. “What can we eat?”

“How about some dragon?” Aiden asked, pulling out his knife as he spoke.

“Aiden!” I called warningly, but he ignored me.

Egan jumped up and started flapping his wings hovering over the shelf.

Ignorant. Fool. Stop. Blast you! Poison you!

“Knock it off both of you! Egan, you will do no such thing!” I said, getting to my feet.

“Aiden! I don’t want to eat Egan,” Travon put in, shaking his head at the whole thing.

Deserves! Pain! Care more him! I not!

“You are being foolish! I do not care more about Aiden than I do you and I won’t let him eat you! Now stop this you two!” I stepped in-between the two would be combatants.

Aiden glanced at me. “Are you sure about that?” His voice was quiet.

“That I won’t let you eat him? Yes!” I exclaimed.

Aiden’s mouth twitched into an amused smile. “No, that you care more about him than me.”

I looked at him in surprise for a moment. What was he thinking? And why was he badgering me about it? How much had he figured out?

“You really want to discuss this now?” I asked, suppressing my initial reaction to just punch him.

He shrugged. “Why not, you won’t let me eat the pipsqueak.”

Egan clacked angrily. His scales changed color rapidly and he sprang into the middle of the room, slashing his tail lethally.

“Egan, no!” I yelled, but it was two late.

His poison tail clipped Aiden on the arm, creating a deep gash. Aiden reacted quickly, throwing his knife to block any further attempt. The knife missed the dragon by a mere inch, but managed to cut through his leather wing, creating a large rip. The dragon screamed in agony and raced by for the shelf. Once he landed, he pulled his wing into his body and stated angrily shouting about rogue barbarians who didn’t have manners and should be killed on site.

“Egan, shut your trap!” I commanded harshly. The dragon obeyed, but not happily. “Travon, see to Egan’s wing. There’s supplies in my pouch, after you take some out bring the rest here, quickly.”

Aiden had collapsed to the ground sometime during Egan’s panicked flight back to the shelf. I knelt beside him and gently took his arm into my hands. His heavy breathing caused my heart to tighten. He was suffering. Aiden had been hit by Egan’s spikes once before, but it had not been to this extent than and the poison was easily gotten rid of. This time, the gash was much deeper and it was already festering.

“Travon! I need those supplies!” I called harshly.

Within seconds they were beside me along with Travon’s worried face.

“Is he gonna be okay? Is he, Kristalyn?”

“He’ll be fine,” I answered, trying to keep the calm in my voice and the worry out. “Take care of Egan, so I can handle this.”

The boy nodded and disappeared, but only to have Magnar take his place. The large griffin put his head next to Aiden’s and whimpered.

“Magnar, if you want to help get behind him and let him lean against you,” I admonished, already searching in my bag for the herbs that would counteract the poison. Tancred and I always carried them on us for just such a reason. The griffin moved obligingly and I heaved a sigh of relief when I found the carefully packed herbs. Unraveling them, I took out the small leaves and crushing them in my hands, sprinkled them directly over the open wound.

“Kurioden, I need the water flask.”

The panther moved from his position of over-watching Travon to get the flask and drop it in my lap. I nodded my thanks and put more crushed leaves into it. Carefully, I moved Aiden’s arm back onto his on chest and moved towards his head.

“Aiden, you need to drink this.”

He immediately opened his mouth and that too had me worried. He was too weak to put up arguments. He opened his eyes and looked at me when he had finished half of the flask.

“Don’t look so worried,” he commented softly.

Magnar instantly rubbed his head against Aiden’s on hearing his voice.

“I’m okay,” Aiden whispered to his friend.

“Egan got you pretty badly. Why did you provoke him like that?” I asked, ignoring his comment. Instead, I began to wrap his arm with the cloths I had brought.

“Too serious in here. Everyone’s worried,” Aiden replied, though it came slowly.

I looked up at him in shock. “You purposely did it just to get a reaction? Aiden, that was far from smart.”

“We needed a distraction. It worked.” I think he would have shrugged carelessly if he could have.

I shook my head at him. “You know Egan hates anyone insulting his pride. Pipsqueak?”

“Well, I didn’t know he’d do that,” Aiden admitted.

My mood darkened. “Neither did I. If I didn’t have the herbs with me, he could have killed you.”

“Would that have upset you?” Aiden asked.

If he could tease me, he was feeling better, but when I looked into his eyes, I saw no intent to tease, only an honest curiosity.

I swallowed. “Of course.”

“Why?”

I laughed, but it was nervous. “After all the work I put into you? It would be a shame to lose all that.”

He didn’t reply, but his eyes told me he was reading something quite different than that answer in my own eyes. I hated that he could read me so well, it really wasn’t fair. Especially now, when my heart was filled with fear and worry over him and I probably wasn’t hiding that fact very well.

“Besides,” I diverted, “you still have questions you have to answer.”

“Oh?” He asked, closing his eyes.

I frowned. He was still too weak. “Open you mouth,” I instructed. He gave me a look, but did so and I placed some of the herbs under his tongue and then gave him another small drink. “Yes, like why you suddenly decided to not kill my brother.” His eyes opened again to look at me. I took out another piece of cloth and wetting it, used it to gently wipe his face. “I know it wasn’t because of me, but you’ve always refused to tell me why.”

He leaned his face into my hand, startling me. “Is it really that important to you?”

“Yes,” I answered simply, trying not to focus on his every feature. Man, he was good looking.

“Why?”

Why could he never just answer things?

“Because whatever happened between the two of you changed you and I want to know why.”

“Why?”

What was he two? Couldn’t he just answer? No, he was playing games with me, just as he use too. Instead of making me upset, the thought actually made me feel good. It was more familiar then the pain I saw him in now.

“You could just make this easy and answer my question, Aiden.” He smiled underneath the cloth I still rubbed against his face. I sighed. If I wanted answers, I was going to have to give them too. “I want to know because I care. My brother is still alive because of your actions or non-actions, in this case and that’s important to me.”

“Because of him?” Aiden lifted his hand and stilled my movements, his eyes catching mine.

What did he want me to admit? That I cared about him? I had almost said it out loud before and he had stopped me. He knew the answer to this question, I was sure of it, though I wasn’t sure he realized that my feelings had grown since then, just as I had been afraid they would. But why push me? Why did he suddenly want me to say it out loud? He didn’t feel the same way… he couldn’t. It would make things so much worse. I wasn’t even sure he was capable yet of feeling… whatever it was I felt.

“Kristalyn?” He voice gently called my name.

“Because I care about you,” I blurted. “I care about you and what happens to you.” My eyes widened as I said it out loud, at the same time wondering why I had, but his only softened and he nodded, releasing my hand.

“I let him go because in that moment, we were the same.” His answer came out softly and I almost didn’t hear it.

“The same? How?” I questioned, my voice matching his level. Without thinking, I caught his hand in mine again.

I felt his fingers squeeze mine, before releasing.

“The Hunter is almost my equal in everything, except the side we fight on.” He turned his head, so that he was no longer looking at me and his words were so soft no one else could have heard them. They were filled with self-reproach. “He fights for something he believes in, for his people. I fight for myself.”

“For your family,” I corrected gently.

“No. For myself. To make myself stronger. They were so far back in the reaches of my mind I forgot about them more that I remembered. He fights with an inner virtue. I have no such guide. Yet if I had grown up differently, I might have been who he is now. I too might have been worthy.”

“Worthy? Worthy of what?” My heart beat with each word he spoke.

He turned and caught me in his gaze. “Anything.”

“What do you mean?” I breathed. He was telling me ‘anything,’ but that wasn’t what he meant. Somehow, we had left the conversation from before and a new one was taking place, but he was purposefully keeping me on the outside, not telling me the whole truth. Everything in me yearned to know exactly what he was trying to tell me.

“Just what I said. I betrayed my family and everything my parents once believed. I’m not worthy of any good that comes from anything I do. I can only do things for their sakes and hope my path will somehow be enough for their good. That’s all I have left now.” He paused and seemed to re-gather his thoughts. “Duard and Ricald, they are the same too. They hold the same actions and hate for us. They treated us the same, taking everything from us, but your brother took the noble path and I the dark one. That moment before I let him go, I saw myself, who I could have been. I didn’t let your brother live, Kristalyn, I let who I might have been live.”

“Aiden…” but I could say nothing more.

He squeezed my hand and closed his eyes once more, this time falling into the herbs healing sleep.

“Oh, Aiden,” I whispered again.

“Egan’s still mad, but he’ll be fine,” Travon said, coming up behind me. “What about Aiden?”

“Healing now. I’m going to get some rest, Travon. I’ll deal with Egan later. Can you watch Aiden?”

Travon nodded willing and took my place as I walked to the other end of the cabin. Kurioden joined me and sat next to me silently.

“Aiden,” I whispered, as I petted my best friend. “Kurioden, he still has so much pain, so much he is trying to understand. I didn’t know, didn’t think, he would compare himself to Tancred. I wonder what my brother would say about this? I’m not even sure what I think. My heart is so full and confused right now. I want to help him, to make him see he’s changing and he is worthy. I feel like he’s working for some prize, something he thinks is out of his reach and I’m not so sure it’s Duard. His soul is reaching, it’s crying out for Deus to guide him. Why does he still not listen? Does he not realize that that is the biggest difference between him and my brother? Aiden rejected Deus, Tray grew closer to him.

“Deus, my Abba, help Aiden to see you in Tray and my actions. Help him to know You are the difference. I want him to find that hope, Deus, but it comes from You not his own strength. He might feel unworthy, Deus, but the only one who can make him truly worthy of what he seeks is You. Help him, Dues, please help this man I care so much about.”

I did care about him and every time he opened up and let me in just a little more, my feelings grew. To know that he had saved my brother because he felt like Tray was the good version of himself was overwhelming. Did that mean he finally wanted to be that person? If he was, if he would let Deus change him, nothing was impossible. Not even for us.

For the first time I felt a glimmer of hope before exhaustion overwhelmed my senses.

***

5 Comments:

Blogger Brittany Simmons said...

Wow.

This chapter was amazing. I like this little scenario of everybody being stuck together. Aiden can't fight now, he's stuck in a little cabin and he has to actually look at himself and his feelings. I love the revelation he shared with Krystalyn, and her torture of loving him but being unable to reach him, like watching someone drown and you want to save them, but there's a glass wall in the way and nomatter what you try to do you can't break through. I have an inkling of the feeling, so hers just brings it all to the surface.

This story is wonderful, Charissa. There is something raw and potent and powerful here.

4:44 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

This chapter was awesome! The last part especially. I love it! :)

~ Ashley

8:34 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Wow! Amazing. It was cool, and I'm looking forward to the (hopefully) happy ending. I like how you have developed both of the lovebirds, but the nice thing about them being lovebirds is that they are cool lovebirds.

Hmm. That didn't turn out right. I'm looking forward to the end of Duard, or at least I think he will end soon. Are you going to post the Liberty Series on Blogspot?

Thanks, and God Bless,

-Mal

1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have 3 favorite parts...
1. Aiden made awesome snow gear for Kurio! Definitely my favorite part.
2. Aiden picked a fight with Egan on purpose. It's a mix of him being his calculating and planning self, and wanting to ease his companions fears. He's pretty smart (and becoming more caring), though not that smart apparently because now he's full of venom.
3. Aiden wants Kristalyn along and even said it. Yay!

Speaking of venom. This is just a minor minor point in the grand scheme of the story, but things you ingest poison you. A potion, a creature... if eating it is bad for you like this, it's poisonous. Now snakes and stinging things are venomous. The chemical doesn't enter through the digestive tract, but through skin or eyes or whatnot, so they are venomous and not poisonous. I think this would make Egan venomous, not poisonous.

I agree with everyone else that this was an awesome chapter!!

-Kim

7:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great chapter!! I really liked Aiden in this one, particularly after the thing w/ Egan. Kristalyn and his interaction was well-written, as always, and entertaining. I can't wait for the next chapter!! :D

Libby

11:57 AM  

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