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I'm trying to post this before my computer dies, so I hope you all enjoy!
Here now is the pretty much the end of Aiden's journey.


CHAPTER 40 ~ FINISHING IT
TWO YEARS ELEVEN AND
A HALF MONTHS AFTER BANISHMENT
AIDEN
I was up on the roof patching a hole we had discovered the other night in a downpour. The rain had come hard and fast, forcing everyone inside early in the day. It had almost been like the cabin again, except that the horses were in the stable and Duard was in the house with us. Egan had managed to get a fire started, despite the fact that all the wood was now wet. With all the repairs I had been doing, it was the one chore I had neglected and now we would be using wet wood until Travon and I could hunt up some dry stuff. Meanwhile, a not so small hole in the roof had made the night even more miserable.
“Aiden!” Kristalyn’s voice called from below.
I moved to the side of the roof and glanced down at her.
“I think I just used the last of the meat. At least, I can’t find anymore.”
I sighed. We had enough to last us for days. “Magnar must have needed a snack. What do you want me to do about it now?”
She looked at me, green eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “Well, getting more would be a good idea.”
Grumbling, I made my way down. The hole was almost fixed anyway. I landed next to Kristalyn, who gave me a smile.
“Thank you.”
I shook my head at her. “You enjoy this way too much.”
“And you don’t enjoy things enough. I haven’t seen you smile since the night before we got here. What happened to the Aiden who was telling us stories of the family he loves so much?” Her voice was soft, but her eyes penetrating.
I sighed. “He grew up.”
She watched me for a moment then spoke gently, “He was already grown. He just knew how to laugh as well as carry a heavy burden. Now, instead of releasing the burden, you’re carrying it tighter. Why?”
“I know it. It’s what comes next that I’m not sure of.” I glanced at the house. “He’s still alive. I failed in that. So, do I dare call my siblings home? What of Arnan?”
“Did you fail, Aiden? Or did you find a different way to succeed?” She asked pointedly, before turning and reentering the house, where I could hear Duard beginning to groan. I had yet to even speak to the man.
A different way to succeed? What did she mean by that? Duard still held power over us. I hadn’t beaten him as I though, so didn’t mean I had failed? How could I succeed and he still be alive?
The thoughts danced in my mind as I gathered my gear and headed into the woods, but not before I called Magnar and made him head the opposite direction. My mind flickered back to the subject at hand.
I could have killed Duard and we both knew it. It was only Deus voice that had saved him, not my mercy. Deus had said that by killing Duard I would become him, someone I wanted to murder. That was what had caused me to pause and ultimately the sword had plunged into the ground instead of Duard’s throat. I hadn’t taken that path of revenge, but what path had I taken?
Aquila’s river was now in front of me. It was quite here, and just downriver I could see a bridge going across. Instantly, I decided to cross and try my luck on the other side. The water was calm here, but down stream it would enter into the larger river and become quite violent. Between there and where I now stood, was a good place to find some larger prey.
It wasn’t the path of peace. I had felt no such thing since I had allowed Duard to live. It was as if my very soul cried out for something that I had failed to give it, but no matter how much I search my mind and heart, I could not find that answer and I could not find the peace that Wren talked about.
I slowed down as I heard voices up ahead. Slowly, I moved in closer and shook my head at what I saw. Two men, who looked very much like the Wild Men from the north, were standing having a rather heated discussion, while a woman was seated on the ground, watching. None of them seemed happy, but neither did the woman sound like she was in danger. I backed away silently and headed back to my hunting. Whoever they were, didn’t concern me unless they came to the clearing. I would dispatch them then if I had too.
I kept moving until a flash of brown to my left caused me to pause. Whatever it was, had to be large and that meant good food for a few days at least, providing Magnar got his own meat for a change. I crouched lower and made my way towards our soon to be meal. As I moved though, another site caused me to take a step back and freeze in a shock that shook my whole body.
Squatting down, behind a bush, was a man only slightly smaller than me. His brown hair was longish. His bow and arrow were at the ready. Obviously, he hadn’t seen or heard me yet. It had been so long, almost three years now, but I would know his form anywhere. Crouching in front of me, oblivious to my presence was my brother Taerith.
Taerith.
I hadn’t head from him in all this time, yet he had been my other half in so much during our younger years. It was us together that had stood between our family and Duard and it had been us that had raised the family with Daelia. I had no idea who he was now or how he would react to who I had become. But this was my brother. My brother had come home.
I reached out to him and had to stop my hand from trembling before I placed it on his shoulder. My mind now blank, except of the knowledge that my brother had come home.
He turned fast, his bow out and ready to release and then his eyes met mine and he froze. I watched as the recognition dawned on his face. A face that was older and had seen more than it should have in the three years of separation. Yet, his consistent calm and thoughtfulness was still well maintained in his eyes.
“You look well, Taerith,” I spoke first.
“You look awful,” Taerith replied, visibly still trying to process what was happening. He always had thought things through longer than anyone else.
I laughed at his comment, but it sounded hollow even to me. I could well imagine why I looked awful. Kristalyn had said almost the same thing earlier. I had been this way since I had failed. Out loud, I answered, “I should. I failed our family again.”
“Why are you here?” Taerith asked.
He couldn’t guess? “Why else? I’m here to kill Duard,” I paused then added, “and I failed.”
He was quiet for a moment, processing as usual. “You went home?”
“If you can call it that,” I answered, thinking of all the work that still had to be done and Duard being tended in the front room.
His next words stopped my thoughts. “I’m not alone.”
I looked back and studied him for a moment. So, I wasn’t the only one to bring people back with me. Well, that was interesting. It appeared we had much to catch up on and we hadn’t even said hello yet. The thought amused me for some reason.
“This is one strange way to talk for two brothers together again. Hello, Taerith. It’s good to see you.”
Taerith smiled and we clasped arms in the typical warrior fashion.
“Tell me,” I asked, suddenly remembering the people I had passed, “it’s not those other three you brought with you. You have more sense than to attach yourself to that.”
Taerith opened his mouth to answer, when his eyes snapped, “Who?”
“Wild men,” I replied, not liking the look in his eyes. “Warriors; they smell like trouble.”
The words hadn’t left my mouth, before Taerith was gone. It would take much time to get things all sorted out. Taerith had brought more than just people with him, but also the problems of his three year past. As he and the woman, the same one I had seen earlier, worked together, I left Taerith with instructions how to get to the bridge and then left for home. Kristalyn would want to know of my brother’s arrival and I had some things to think through.
I arrived back and paused to take a good look around. Travon had been working to clear all the foliage that had grown wild and the pathways between the buildings could now be clearly seen. The roofs were no longer leaking water and the doorways were sound again. Wild vines had grown up all over, but in most places it didn’t really look bad. Sam’s garden was still a mess, but I had no idea how to fix that. Almost all of the work now was on the inside of the main building. It didn’t look perfect, but it was ready to Taerith and our other siblings to see.
I moved to the door of the main house and stepped in. Kristalyn was sitting beside Duard’s bed as usual. Kurioden beside her. Both looked up at my entry and I walked over to them. Duard lay still and pale on the bed. His wounds from our fight had all been dressed, but were slow in healing. I looked to Kristalyn.
“Taerith is here.”
She looked at me in surprise. “Taerith? Isn’t that one of your brothers?”
“Yes, second after me.”
“Why has he returned?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t speak to him very long before things got rather confusing.” I shook my head as I remembered the scene. “He had some things to take care off, but he should be here in the morning.”
She glanced down at her self and then up at me. “Are you ready for that?”
I studied her for a moment. Her movements pretreated nothing, but I could see a slight nervousness in her eyes. Why would she be nervous now of all times? “Kristalyn, you don’t have to worry. Taerith is a good man. He’s brought back some people with him as well. I think he’s gotten married and had a kid.”
She smiled and relaxed some. “Okay.”
I nodded then glanced at Duard. “You hear that, Duard? Taerith came home! You didn’t stop up.”
But the old man didn’t move.
“He’s been silent all morning. Not even a single hateful word or order.”
“You’re being too good to him,” I muttered. If he said anything to hurt her and I found out, I’d finish the job I’d started.
She laughed softly. “I’m fine, Aiden. You have other things to think about besides me.”
“You don’t want me to think about you?” I asked, for a moment enjoying teasing her again. It had been a while.
Her eyes jumped at the familiar teasing, but she answered seriously. “You can think about me all you want, as soon as you’ve figured out everything else cluttering up your thoughts right now.”
I shook my head at her. Leave it to her to remind me I still hadn’t forgiven the man on the bed. “I’ll be close if you need me.”
“I’ll be here,” she responded, smiling at me. I hadn’t realized I’d missed it so much.
I nodded and exited the door. I could still get some work done before Taerith showed up.
***
I stayed close to the house the next morning. Inside, I could here Kristalyn talking to Kurio about all different things. Her voice was low and had a familiar humming to it that I had long ago grown use too. Occasionally, I could hear Duard giving orders or calling out something nasty. It took all my strength not to barge in and wring his neck. But Kristalyn always managed to silence him with only a word or two and so I didn’t intervene.
Taerith would see him for the first time in three years today. Of our whole family, it had always been the two of us who had stood between them and Duard and we had done it again on that day so long ago. Somehow it was fitting that the two of us had come back first. Taerith would want to talk to him, but I had already said everything I intended to say to that monster. Except for the one thing Kristalyn and Deus were waiting for.
I simply couldn’t forgive the man for all he had done.
Taerith and his following appeared at the edge of the clearing. I watched Taerith approach slowly, his eyes fixed on me as I leaned against the doorway, arms crossed. I wondered briefly what he saw as he studied me or if he really saw me at all. After all, Duard was who he had come to challenge.
“He’s inside,” I informed Taerith as he drew closer. “She’s with him…Kristalyn.”
Taerith nodded and moved past me. I heard the door open to his hand, but didn’t turn around. I couldn’t make myself face whatever would happen inside that room. I could hear the low murmurs of conversation, but I didn’t try to discern the words. Instead, I closed my eyes and allowed my thoughts to return to my larger problem.
My stubbornness in refusing to forgive him was hurting her. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. That was why she tended to him. She was giving me more time. She wanted me to take Deus path, but just as Deus, she couldn’t force me. I had to choice to do it, to give up what I had worked these last three years for. I had to choice to give up my need for revenge.
Taerith left the house and glanced around. When he saw me, he took a step forward and said in a quite, but firm voice, “No vengeance, Aiden. It’s over now.”
I felt myself nodding to his words, as if I was giving my agreement not to take revenge, to betray my family again. Taerith’s words ‘no vengeance’ sank into my spirit and I knew I would not be taking my revenge, no matter how much I wanted it. “I know.”
Taerith slapped me on the back and then moved past me, towards the garden. I watched for a moment then turned to face the house again, frustration building inside of me. I would not be taking my revenge. I would not be killing Duard. What good was I? How could I call myself an older brother to my siblings when I couldn’t even fulfill my job to bring them home and guard them from this man who could still, even in a weakened state, hold such power over me?
I raced my fist and smashed it against the stone wall of the house. Inside, I heard something crash to the ground. Turning, I moved quickly away. Behind me, I heard Kristalyn calling my name, but I didn’t stop and I didn’t slow down. I moved past the buildings and into the forest, my mind too full to form thoughts and only my feet knew where they took me. It wasn’t until I recognized the tree in front of me that I pulled to a stop. I stared at the it.
It was older and wider than two arm lengths now. But up and down its trunk were deep scars. Some larger and some smaller, but most had the look of fury. It was the tree Ilara had taken out her anger on when we were told we would be separated in three days. Slowly, I made my way to it and my hand felt the deep grooves. Some of the bark broke free at my touch. It was hard and rigid.
A squawk sounded above me and then Magnar landed next to me. A moment later, Kristalyn broke through the trees.
“Thank you, Magnar,” she said.
“Welcome,” Magnar spoke, but his voice said he was looking at me. Suddenly, the wind picked up and I knew Magnar had taken off once again.
Kristalyn stood somewhere behind me and I waited for her to speak, but she stayed silent.
“This was Ilara’s tree,” I finally spoke. “She took her anger out on it that day.”
“When you were told you would be separated,” Kristalyn clarified and I nodded. “What did you think that day?”
“That I had to watch them. I had to make sure they got off okay.” I dropped the bark in my hand and touched the tree again.
“Were you the last person they saw?”
“Yes. I said goodbye to each of them the final morning.”
“And did they hate you then?” The question was asked in a gentle low voice, but it still surprised me.
I thought back to that moment. The sadness and uneasiness was easy to remember, but I could not recall any hatred, except perhaps my own for Duard. Finally, I answered, “No. They only wanted my reassurance.”
“And did you give it?”
“As best I could,” I answered.
“Taerith said something to Duard I think you should know about, Aiden. It was the end that really surprised me. Despite Duard’s rib to take vengeance, Taerith told him, ‘we release and forgive you and you’ll have to find a way to deal with that.’ He made it your decision as well as his to release and forgive Duard and put an end to the cycle of vengeance.”
I sighed. “I won’t be killing Duard in his sleep if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“But have you given up your thirst for revenge? Have you forgiven him?” Kristalyn focused on my face and I couldn’t look away.
I didn’t answer for a moment, searching inside me for the thirst that had fed me for so many years. It shocked no one more than me when I realized I couldn’t find it. When I had told Taerith no vengeance I had meant it and the feelings had slipped away. But where did that leave me? I felt weak with the knowledge that a portion of my life, my reason for life, was gone.
“Aiden?” Kristalyn’s voice was filled with concern.
I answered slowly. “I won’t take revenge on him, Kristalyn, it is over. But I don’t know how to forgive him.”
A smile gently appeared, making her face even more beautiful. “One day at a time, Aiden. You have to ask Deus to help you.”
I shook my head. “If I forgive him, I’m left with nothing.”
“I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
I turned back to Ilara’s tree and put my hand on its angry marks once again. “All my life I have hated him for what he’s done to my family. For the past three years, I have fought to learn how to take him down and correct my mistake, my betrayal. You and your Deus are asking me to give all of that up.”
“No, Aiden,” Kristalyn whispered, coming to stand directly behind me. She placed a hand on my shoulder and I felt her lean her head between my shoulder blades. “We are asking that you follow a different path and leave justice to Deus. Your life has never been worthless. You’ve done so much since you’ve been gone, including freeing an entire nation. You chose a different path when you didn’t kill Duard. Now, take the next step on that path and forgive him.”
I turned to face her and caught her arms in my hands. “And where will this path lead? Will my family be able to come home or will Deus require I give that up as well?”
She lifted her chin to stare into my eyes and for a moment, their green depths captured me and I had to force myself to focus on her words. “Taerith is already home, Aiden. And he chose forgiveness. Deus is giving you everything you need to trust him. You have to open your eyes and see it.” She paused and raised her hand to stroke it along my scuffed face. “If you had killed Duard, we would have lost you, Aiden. But now when you family comes home, they will know the big brother they love. Walk the path. Deus will help you.”
With that she took a step back and my hands fell from her shoulders. The look she gave me was one I had only caught briefly once before, right before I had entered my fight with Duard. But now, instead of fear it held hope… and love. Her eyes spoke of it so clearly, whether she was attempting to hide it or not, I couldn’t tell, but it didn’t matter. If I had doubted it before, and I had, there was no doubt now.
I turned away as she walked back to the clearing. Even if she did love me, I still wasn’t worthy of her and she would not be with me because Deus was not first. I had no illusions. Deus was the most important one to her and would always come before me. And I could not even ask his help to forgive, let alone to put him first above my family. Was I so destined to lose everything I cared about?
I knocked my fist against the tree and felt the flash of pain as the rough bark drove into it.
Why, Deus? Why do you require everything? I shouted, but only in my mind.
Why should I require less, my son?
Deus?
I AM here, Aiden, as always.
Why, Deus? Why have you been chasing me?
You already know the answer to that, my child. You gave it to your siblings long ago.
How could a God of love allow all this?
Could you have done better then, Aiden? Could you take every single thread that has occurred here and make it into a masterpiece that works for everyone’s best?
No. But so many have been hurt. I cried out with all the pain I felt inside.
I know, my son. You have been hurt greatly and so have others. But in that pain you have all grown, learned, and done things that otherwise would never have been possible.
Wasn’t there a better way?
Only if I had taken away your power to make your own choices. That you would have hated above all else.
And still you require more. I thought bitterly.
Yes. I require it all.
Why? Why should I follow a God who allows such thing and gives excuses for that?
Aiden, you are so sure of yourself. So sure that you alone know the outcome of all your choices. Have I not already proven you wrong on that? Or have you forgotten Little Emma?
Emma. Her name and face flashed through my mind. I had killed her older brother while she watched. I had left her alone in the world with no one to care what happened to her. I had known that something was wrong with the job, but I had done it anyway. It had been because of her that I had decided I could no longer do jobs the same way.
Is she okay?
Do you care, Aiden?
Yes.
It was you who put her there, your choice.
I made a mistake.
Yes.
No excuses, no comfort, just the cold fact. I had put her there. It had been the wrong choice and I had known that, but I had chosen to do it anyway. Because of my choice, she would forever be without her brother.
Yes, Aiden, because of your choice. I told you it was wrong, but you ignored Me.
You were there?
I’m always there, Aiden, and always watching.
I’m sorry, Deus. I didn’t want her to be alone.
You didn’t bother to check, Aiden. You thought only of yourself and your so called mission. You are sorry, but do you want forgiveness?
Just like that? You would forgive me?
I AM forgiveness, Aiden, just as I am perfect Justice.
Justice? What happened because of Emma?
Find her and you will see what has become of her. As for your justice, Aiden, when you ask for forgiveness I will pay with my own Son’s blood for all your sins. More immediately, it was because My justice that you took on both Travon and Magnar. You have not failed either of them.
You planned that?
Man is always planning his own path. But it is I who direct his steps.
Mine led me back here.
Yes.
But I didn’t kill Duard. I failed in that.
Why do you believe that?
I became strong so that I could defeat him! I let my family down, Deus. I failed them again.
Aiden, my stubborn child, do you not see? Answer this, did you become strong enough to kill Duard or strong enough not to kill him?
Strong enough not too…. I don’t understand.
There is more than one type of strength. You sought to make yourself physically strong and to grow in your hatred. That path can only lead to destruction for all involved. Yes, even your family and you, Aiden. But there is a second type of strength. The strength you and your brother have shown, to end it all without the need for vengeance. You have allowed me to deal justice to Duard and I will. But for you one more step is still needed.
Why do I have to forgive him, Deus?
Because until you do, he will always hold power over you. No matter whether he lives or dies, he will lead your emotions to bitterness. Only by forgiving him can you give that up and open yourself to the love you now push aside.
I sank to the ground, the weight of the two options pushing on my shoulders. I could feel Ilara’s tree behind me and in my mind I could see the angry marks she had left behind. The tree would forever bear those marks. They were a part of it now. Was it the same with me? Would my hatred and refusal to forgive Duard mark me in such a disfigured way?
I didn’t have to ask Deus. I knew the answer, but I couldn’t just let go either.
“I can’t forgive him on my own.” I spoke out loud now.
No.
“I need your help.”
Yes.
“To get your help, I have to give it all up though, don’t I?”
I require all of you, yes.
“Even my family?”
Especially your family, Aiden. You must trust their future to me.
“What if something happens to them?”
Like Kristalyn, you must follow what I tell you and trust that I will take care of them because of my love for you all.
“That’s not easy, Deus.”
If it was, Aiden, there would be no reason for you to trust me. Come to me, Aiden. I AM peace and I will give you rest. When your trials come, I will help you through them. I have never left you, Aiden, and I will never forsake you. But you must humble yourself and ask for that help.
Deus had been hounding me from the very first and I could run no longer. I was so tired, tired of fighting, of failing, and of trying. I wanted to rest and I wanted the peace that Wren said she had discovered. But I had one last objection.
“I’m not worthy, Deus.” I whispered. “I’m a failure.”
Nothing I created is worthless, Aiden, and certainly not you. I will make you worthy. This is my promise to you.
I felt the wetness in my eyes again. “I’ve done so much wrong. I’ve killed so many. I don’t deserve your help, Deus. But I can’t forgive Duard without you and I can’t fight anymore. What can you possibly want from someone as broken as me?”
Only you, Aiden. I want you to follow me and what I ask of you. Ask me for help and for peace. Ask me for forgiveness. It is yours for the asking, my son.
My hands came up to my face and I rubbed it hard. That sounded good. I was broken and beaten, but Deus still wanted me to follow him. He had no illusions. He knew exactly what I was and what I had done. Yet, it would seem His love was unconditional and more than anything in the world, it was all I had left.
“I’m asking, Deus.” I whispered. “Take and heal me, Deus.” And my voice got stronger. “Forgive me of everything I have done. Help me to make it right!” I raised my fists in the air and I could feel them shaking. “Forgive me!” I screamed into the air and then collapsed to the ground, breathing hard.
Slowly, my breathing become steady and the muscles in my neck loosened. My shoulders feel gently down and a warm took over my body. A relaxing stream flowed over me and as I lay half collapsed on the ground, for the first time in my memory I felt peace.
And it was good.
***
I will never know how long I spent on that woods’ floor. I only know that when I finally stood, a new peace and a new strength flowed through my blood and mind. For the first time, I felt free.
As I walked into the clearing, even my home looked as if it was new. There were people and animals there now, both those that Taerith had brought with him and those that had returned with me. The rest of our family was still missing, but Deus would bring them home when it was time. I had only to fulfill the last of my part.
I looked neither to the right nor the left as I moved towards the house, though I could feel Travon and Magnar’s eyes on me. Stepping inside, I could see Egan resting on a shelf, Kurioden under him. Both looked up at my entrance then settled down again, Egan with a small bit of smoke. Kristalyn wasn’t in the room, but Taerith looked up at me from Duard’s bed side. I glanced at him and he nodded then headed for the door.
I stepped to Daurd’s bed and took Taerith’s place. Duard looked so old and far too weak to live much longer. Yet, when his eyes met mine, the same black coldness from years of hatred remained alive and well. Those eyes froze me.
Deus! I can’t! My mind called for the only One who could save me.
I will help you, Aiden. Just as I promised. He cannot hurt you. Speak, for I am with you.
I felt myself nodding and Duard gave me a strange look.
“You are forgiven, Duard, for everything you have done,” I spoke the words firmly.
Duard tried to laugh, but he didn’t quite manage it. “You forgive me?” He wheezed. “Your eyes lie. You want vengeance.”
I looked at him for a moment as I searched inside myself, but I could find only Deus’ promised peace and I smiled. “You’re wrong. You only want to keep me under you, Duard. But you’ve lost. Your power over me is broken. I suggest you make your own peace with Deus. You’ll be meeting him soon.”
“By your hand!” Duard spat.
“In Deus timing,” I replied calmly and stood to leave.
“You’ll never be free of me, Aiden!” Duard called one last threat, but even he didn’t sound as if he believed his words.
I knew he was wrong. Any time I felt the old hatred and anger, I had only to call on Deus. It was with that knowledge that my reply was strong.
“I already am.”
***
“Aiden! Aiden!” Taerith’s hand shaking my shoulder raised me from my sleep early the next morning.
“What is it?” I asked, coming alert.
“He’s dead. Duard is finally dead.”
The news took a moment to sink into my mind.
It was over. He was finally gone.
“We need to burn the body.”
I nodded and got up.
Together, we wrapped the body and took it out into the woods. Working quickly, a space was cleared and a small funeral pyre was built. As the body burned, the smoke rose in a circle ever higher.
“He blessed us all just before he died,” Taerith muttered as we watched.
“Did he? Maybe he found some peace then,” I answered quietly.
“And if he did?” Taerith asked, looking at me.
“Deus can worry about that. I do not care either way. My peace was made already.”
Taerith nodded. “As was mine.”
We finished watching in silence until the fire burned low. Taerith left then, but I waited until it was completely out.
It was finally over. It was almost an overwhelming feeling and yet almost a let down. After so long, a life time of torture and three years of separation and hate, it was all finally over. No more could Duard hurt us, unless we let him. I was glad I had given that fight to Deus as well. And I could almost feel Deus’ smile.
I walked back to the house with a feeling of deep relief on my chest. Taerith met me outside the main house.
“I need to send this.” He held out a piece of paper to me.
“Egan can probably get it to wherever it needs to go as long as we get Kristalyn to ask him,” I replied, taking the small note.
When I read it, a smile broke out over my face and I clapped Taerith on the back.
My dear brothers and sisters, Come home. Taerith

Hi All! I'm so sorry this lovely post is once again not formatting. I'm not sure why I can't get it to format properly when I switch it over. Hopefully, this chapter will make up for the formatting issues and you won't have a problem reading it. Thanks for the encouraging words last time. I'm glad it came off well.
Enjoy Aiden's revenge now!



CHAPTER 39 ~ REVENGE
TWO YEARS ELEVEN MONTHS
AFTER BANISHMENT
AIDEN
Feelings of displacement and familiarness overwhelmed my senses as I moved through the home I had grown up in. Sam’s garden had grown wild, just as he said it would so long ago. I glanced to my left. The shed and stable stood there and further down I could see the woodshed. All looked to be in need of great repair. It was in front of that very stable that I had said goodbye to so many of my siblings. They had all been so desperate to hear me tell them things would be all right. I had floundered, trying to encourage them and build them up. Each had left in desperation, but strong as well. Maybe soon I would be welcoming them home instead. But in order for that to happen, I had to face the one intruder that still occupied our home.
There was no smoke coming from Duard’s chimney as there was on the day I had left, but I could smell his stench in the air and feel the presence I had dreaded so much as a child. He was here.
In front of me, was our main house, which consisted of three chambers, the main chamber, the kitchen, and Duard’s room. He was probably in there. The door was in the front. I’d have to go around. I swallowed. Now that I was here, was I ready? The last time I had entered his chamber he had dismissed me with only a word. But I was stronger now. Surely that wouldn’t happen again. I started forward.
“So, you’ve arrived at last,” the voice was old and craggy with an underlining power that I would know anywhere.
My blood stopped and my heart froze as I turned slowly to look to my left. There coming towards me from Ilara’s woodshop was Duard.
Why was he in Ilara’s shop? He had no right to be there! And just that quickly I felt old emotions from years ago rise to the surface and claim me.
Duard continued to walk towards me. His steps were slightly uneven, but his back straight. His face was just as I remembered it. I saw there the same arrogance, confidence, and evil disgust that had filled my nightmares as a child.
My siblings screams tore through me as I heard them once again being tortured by the man who now stood only a few feet from me. Anger, hatred, fury, pain, and so much more boiled inside of me, clenching my fists and tightening every muscle in my body.
“Duard,” I managed.
“Three years have not helped your intelligence,” the dark robed man stated.
“It helped my strength,” I replied, pulling my sword from its place at my side.
He laughed, but it was a harsh sound that held no joy. “So, you think you are ready to face me?”
“I am. You won’t stop me this time. I’m going to take you out for what you’ve done to my family.” I spoke through clenched teeth.
A sneer crossed his face. “What family? You never had one. You were a bunch of helpless, hopeless babies. You were lucky I took you in.”
“Took us in? You took us over!” I spouted angrily.
“You owe me your pathetic lives,” he said nastily.
“We owe you nothing!” I shouted, raising my sword and charging blindly forward.
“Fool!” Duard snorted. Beneath his rope, he pulled out a sword of his own and blocked my strike, forcing me backwards.
I looked at him stunned. I had never seen him use a weapon before, I had just assumed he could, but to see the truth was disturbing.
He laughed. “Well, Boy, come on then. Let us see if you have learned anything at all.”
He was mocking me just has he had my whole life! I was younger, more powerful, and had more skill and still he mocked me as if I was the child who had cowered in his room. My grip tightened. I would not be mocked!
I charged again, coming in low this time. But Duard blocked again, using my own momentum to push me past him. As I moved past, my vision and fury cleared some. He wasn’t that powerful. I turned to look back at Duard, who was watching me with those same eyes. He was using my own power against me. He was purposefully making me angry and using that to cloud my mind, just as he had my whole life.
“You’re not going to win this, Duard,” I growled.
“Really? I haven’t seen anything impressive so far.” Duard dismissed me.
I tightened my grip. His tone was the exact same it had been all those years ago and they still haunted me. But he wouldn’t stop me, not this time.
Our blades crashed together and sprang apart in a furious manner. Duard was older, but he could still fight. I channeled my anger into my blade allowing it to scream my frustration and rage at all this man had done to my family, but keeping my mind focused and calm. I had no idea what attacks were possible with Duard. He had ruled over my family through absolute fear and despite our current fight, I could still feel it in the back of my mind. Suddenly, his guard slipped on the left and I struck pushing in hard. He blocked at the final second stopping the blow from cutting too deeply. Still, blood seeped through his robe.
“Bah!” Duard pushed my sword away from his body.
I breathed heavily. “So, you are mortal after all.”
“Ah, so your motives are revealed. Have you come to kill me then, Boy?” Duard spoke, eyes and voice not faltering. “Does this small wound give you confidence? Do you have what it will take?”
“I do,” I answered, for the first time my voice was deadly calm. I had trained for this and I was ready.
“Really? You are not impressive to me. You are still a weak little boy searching for what you think you want.” Duard laughed, despite his wound.
“No, I’m not!” I heard myself protest.
“Yes, you are. You’re still small and worthless. You could never protect your so called family. Where are they now? Hmm?” Duard mocked in a low hauntingly familiar voice, before shouting, “Nowhere! They are not here! You are alone! Just as you’ve always been. You are a weak fool.”
No! My mind screamed in denial. It wasn’t true. It wasn’t. I had become stronger and I could defeat him. Why did I feel like he was right? Why was I letting him get to me? My grip on my sword slackened. No, this was wrong!
“Aiden!” A voice I had forgotten called out to me. “Aiden! He’s messing with your mind. Aiden, don’t listen to him! You have me. We are all behind you!” A screech from above and a cat’s roar filled my head. “Aiden! Aiden!” Kristalyn’s voice called my name over and over and I heard her.
I did have people behind me. I hadn’t even wanted them to come, but they had. They followed me, cared what happened to me. I wasn’t alone. He was wrong. He was manipulating me, just as he use too. And I was letting him. No more.
Duard turned to look at Kristalyn.
“Who are you, mite? Quite down.” He turned back to me. “A girl? You brought a wench? Can she protect you?”
“She is not a wench!” I spoke, angry that he would even consider calling Kristalyn something indecent. “We are finishing this. Enough of your words and manipulations, Duard. They will not save you this time.”
“You have no idea, Boy. But come, fight me if you think you can,” he sneered.
“I already have,” I answered, and our dance of revenge began again.
We moved all over the yard I had played on as a youth. Now, it would become a field of blood, Duard’s blood. He would not leave here alive. He would finally pay for what he had done to my family. Finally, I could be free to bring them home. At last, my blade found another opening and I struck at his chest. The blood flowed freely, but as I moved back Duard threw something at me. It exploded in my eyes and the dust covered everywhere. I screamed and grabbed my eyes. The pain was like nothing I had ever felt. In the darkness, I could hear Duard’s sick laughter. I screamed again and tried to rub it out, but it was in a cloud all around me and I couldn’t escape it.
Duard coughed from somewhere outside the black cloud and then his malicious voice penetrated it. “You’ve lost, Boy. You are alone. Your family is gone! You can’t defeat me now and you couldn’t then, remember? You let them all go. They hate you!”
The voice seemed to come from all around me, sinister and hateful. “No, they don’t!” I called into the blackness. I hacked, the black dust getting into my throat now. But I knew it wasn’t true! “We wrote! They’ll come home!”
“You didn’t hear from all of them. Some never wrote!” His voice mocked from everywhere at once. How could he know? “They do hate you. You are worthless to them. They won’t come, Aiden. You’ve failed.”
Failed? No! I had tried so hard! My whole life had been for this! I had to win! I couldn’t fail! I couldn’t betray them again! I had to win. This was all I had left and all I knew. If I failed… no, it wasn’t an option! I couldn’t face them! Suddenly, surrounding me in that black cloud where their faces, laughing, mocking, and crying. Zoe was crying. I’d made my sister cry.
No! I wanted to shout at them. It’s not over! I haven’t failed you yet. Don’t cry! I can do this! Please!
“Ahhh!” The scream tore from somewhere deep inside of me and I lashed out wildly with my sword. I didn’t know where he was. I still couldn’t see! But I could hear him mocking me. I could hear my sisters’ tears and my brothers’ calling my name. Abruptly, the flat of my sword hit something hard. I stumbled to the side and a burst of sudden wind cleared the area of the black cloud. In front of me, Duard was wavering and holding the side of his head. I lunged and drove my sword threw his shoulder, yanking it quickly back out, twisting it as I did so.
Somewhere behind me, I heard Kristalyn’s voice call out, “Good job, Magnar. No! Stay back now!” But it only barely registered as Duard, hit the ground rolling on his side, groaning.
“No more! We’re free!” I screamed at him, lifting my sword high above his head as his suddenly fear filled eyes met mine. I would not betray my family! I would finish this!
Aiden, I am here.
I had not expected the Voice. It filled me and froze my movements.
Deus? Deus, I want to kill him!
I will not stop you. The choice is yours. But it that what you truly desire, my son?
Yes!
I looked down at the hated face, lying in the dirt and dust. He was the one who had ruined everything I loved! I wanted him dead! I wanted to finish it and kill him!
He deserves to die!
Yes, but not by your hand. It is the path you chose now that will determine your fate.
I want to kill him! I want him to suffer as we have!
Then chose, Aiden. Your fate is decided here.
What do you mean?
If you take this path, I will not stop you, but for taking justice into your own hands, you will become the man you hate. You will become the man you now want to murder.
And if I don’t?
I have limitless possibilities for you.
What does that mean?
I have always had a special solution in mind for you, Aiden. It is not this path.
That again! Why won’t you just tell me?
You must trust me, Aiden. Trust the path I would choose for you.
But Duard!
This is not his story, but yours. Trust me, Aiden. Hear me and follow.
“ARGH!”
The scream ripped from my core and though my entire body. The pain, hurt, and anger over-flowing in the primitive urge to act my vengeance. The sword in my hand plunged into the ground below.
“Aiden!” Kristalyn’s scream tour through my riddled mind.
I opened my eyes to see Duard’s terrified face, the sword buried deep a mere inch from his skull. I had missed. And I had done it on purpose.
My breath came in harsh ragged spasms. Duard eyes locked onto mine and then rolled back and closed. I couldn’t move. Behind me some commotion arose and then Kristalyn and Kurioden were beside me and Magnar had landed next to us.
Kristalyn looked at me and then knelt down next to Duard.
“He’s still alive,” she announced quietly.
“I know,” I whispered.
She stood and put her arms on my shoulders to twist me to face her. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, but didn’t speak again. Images of Duard lying before me mixing with images of my family assaulted my mind and I still couldn’t breath right.
“Can you help me get him inside?” She asked softly.
“What?” I turned to her, all other images fleeing.
“We need to get him inside and treat him. We can’t do it all out here.”
“I’m not treating him! He can die there for all I care!” I spouted in disbelief that she would even suggest it.
She shook her head. “Why did you spare him, Aiden?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly, though now I could hear Deus voice in my head once again.
I have always had a special solution in mind for you, Aiden. It is not this path. Trust me.
I wasn’t ready to tell her that. I wasn’t even sure why I had listened to the Voice myself. Every fiber of who I was called for this man’s death. Why did I not finish it? Had I failed yet again?
“You’ll figure it out, Aiden. But we can’t leave him here.”
I glanced down at the unconscious body.
“Yes, we can.”
Kristalyn sighed. “You have to forgive him, Aiden. Until you can do that, he’ll always have power over you.”
“His power is as broken as he is,” I replied firmly. “And I will not help that thing. Not now or ever. Do what you want.”
With that, I walked away.
***
Was it over? Had I finally finished it? At the moment, Duard was still alive. I hadn’t killed him. I hadn’t completed the job I had set out to do. Yet, I was right. He and his power were broken. So, was it finished? Could my family come home? Would they? Or was part of Duard’s taunting right? Did some of them hate me for letting then be banished? How had he known that some of them had never written me? Taerith, Ilara, Sam, Arnan, even my Little Firebrand, I had heard from none of them. Were they alive? Did they hate me for what I had done to them? Could Firebrand hate me?
The thought was too much. My mind was tired, so tired, as was I. The punch in the gut, the twist of the knife, the sting of Duard’s mixture, that was what caused the wetness on my cheeks. Because Zoe couldn’t hate me, she simply couldn’t.
“Here, Aiden, I am,” Magnar’s low voice said from next to me and I felt his warm body come close to mine.
I couldn’t turn to see him though. The wetness was still in my eyes.
“Could he be right, Magnar? Could my siblings hate me? Could Zoe?” I whispered the question that brought more torture to my soul then I had ever known.
“Believe Duard, do you?” Magnar asked, instead of answering.
“I don’t know. I don’t want too,” I answered slowly.
“Then believe him, do not,” Magnar spoke, but it still wasn’t an answer.
“I’ve thought about it before, you know.” I said, as I somehow put one foot in front of the other. “The man I became to get them back together. I’ve hated him. I’ve hated me. They should too. Maybe somewhere they already know. What if he wasn’t lying and they really do hate me? I couldn’t blame them, Magnar. It would be right.”
“To darkness and fear hate leads. Of this, Duard knows. Planted hate long ago Duard did in you. Watered it Aiden did. Now, forces to grow Duard can,” Magnar spoke with the wisdom of griffins past.
“You may be right, Magnar. If so, than he is manipulating me again and his power is not broken as I thought. I did fail.” The realization swept through me and made me weak, almost driving me to the ground.
Magnar bumped against me and held me up, staying with me and silent until I was on my feet again. Then, gently, he nudged me forward to keep me walking. Only then did he ask the question he must have been thinking about, “True is it that hate himself Aiden does?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, Magnar. I guess it is. I’m not proud of all I have done. And I am certain my family would not be proud either.” Portions of Daelia and Wren’s letters flashed through my mind.
“Hate Aiden, I do not,” Magnar stated.
I scoffed. “You don’t know all I’ve done.”
“Magnar knows,” came the quite reply.
I looked down at him, walking steadily be my side, in amazement and confusion. He couldn’t know everything. It wasn’t possible. “Then you know that I…”
I couldn’t finish it, but Magnar nodded his great eagle head anyway. “Since almost beginning known I have. Cling to you their smell of death. Grew and learned I did. Killer of my parents you were.”
“But… Then… How could you stay with me?”
“Forgave you, Aiden, I did. Your asking required I did not. Long ago.”
“Why?”
“Inside someone griffins can see. In you, one I wanted to know there was. Change and become more I knew you would. Proud I am of what you have done. Even today.” Magnar spoke slowly, maybe to make sure I understood.
I blinked, trying to think of what to say. “Why?”
He laughed. “My friend you are. Your heart you follow, even when believe it you do not. In worst times, right decision you make. Know not now, but the same your family will feel.”
“I hope you are right, Magnar. But I can’t believe that yet.”
“Time it will take. Heal you will.”
“Just as Duard does?” I asked bitterly.
Magnar was silent for a moment. “Take care of him Kristalyn and Kurio must. Forgive him, Aiden must.”
There it was again, the forgiveness, but I couldn’t. That required more strength than I would ever possess. Oh, I knew now where that strength could come from and I knew he wanted me to take his path, his solution, to trust him. I couldn’t deny any of that, but I also didn’t know how to do any of that or, despite my actions, if I truly wanted too. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself, but even to me the argument was getting ever so surely weaker.
“Aiden! You’re okay!” Travon raced at me then stopped short. “You are okay, right?”
“I’m not hurt. Get the horses and I’ll take you back to my home,” I replied wearily.
“What about Duard?” Travon asked the logical question, but I didn’t have to like it.
“Kristalyn and Kurio are tending him.”
Confusion scrunched up the youth’s face. “Then you didn’t kill him?”
“No,” I answered shortly.
No. I hadn’t and the thought still sent a knife of failure through me.
***
I plunged the rake down to the ground and pulled back hard, yanking all the muck out of the stall with it. Duard had done nothing to take care of our home since he had claimed it from us and filth and grim was everywhere, not to mention all the repairs that were now needed. Kristalyn and Kurio had set Duard up in the main room of the house. Every time I walked in the front door, he was right there, laying on his makeshift bed by the fire. The sight was a constant reminder of my failure to kill him, though I’m sure to Kristalyn it was a reminder that I still had to forgive him. So, I avoided the house. Instead, I busied myself all around the other buildings, cleaning and repairing them. One day, my family would be here. They didn’t deserve to see Duard’s mess. I had let him stay for so long. It was my job to repair it all. Magnar and Travon helped, but for the most part I was left alone with my thoughts and perhaps of everything I was dealing with at the moment that was the very worst part.
I had been racked with so many emotions and thoughts, that my mind and body felt weak and desperate for a break that I was unable to receive. Even at night, when I laid down my head, thoughts of everything or anything ran through my mind, making sleep an illusion I couldn’t make into a reality. It only added to my frustration and to my failure.
That was what everything came down too. In the darkest of nights, and the lonely days, I could hear Duard’s voice whispering my failures to me. But I didn’t need his voice to remind me. I could list them without any help. I had failed my family by failing to give them their home back, I had failed myself by failing to kill Duard, I had failed Kristalyn by failing to forgive Duard, and I had even failed Deus by not finding the correct path. Was there anyone in my life I had not failed?
“I,” Magnar’s voice came from beside me.
I turned to see the griffin sitting there calmly, his great lion tail twitching from side to side behind him.
“Can you read me mind?” I asked.
Magnar shook his eagle head. “No.”
“Then how can you always answer my questions?”
“Your face, see I can. Talk out loud you sometimes do,” he replied calmly.
“Oh.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I went back to his earlier reply. “I did fail you. I killed your parents and I used you. I did the same to Travon.”
“No, you didn’t.” Travon entered the stables.
Was there a conspiracy to spy on me that I didn’t know about?
“How do you figure that?” I finally asked, letting the rake drop to the ground and turning to face the youth.
“What you did was wrong, killing Gidryon, but you did it under orders. You didn’t help to kill the rest of the village. The same with Magnar’s family. You couldn’t really say no to Ricald.”
“I did with the Hunter.”
Travon shrugged. “You were braver then.”
“Oh,” I answered, not really agreeing.
“Anyway, that’s not what matters. You took care of us, Aiden. Me and Magnar. You helped us grow up, you made us strong, and you gave us something and someone to fight for.” Travon walked over and picked up the rake I’d dropped. “I’d have been a slave if you hadn’t said you’d teach me. And Magnar might be dead.” He turned and continued with my job, but kept speaking. “You didn’t want too or have too, but you still did it.”
Magnar nodded. “Why help you now, we want too.”
“You give me too much credit,” I muttered.
Both shook their heads.
“It wasn’t easy forgiving you at first, Aiden, but you helped us lots. I didn’t know Deus was helping us too, but He was.” Travon paused in his raking to look at me. “He’d help you too, if you’d let Him. He really does help, Aiden,” Travon spoke softly, as if he was saying something he didn’t think I’d want to hear, but that he had to say anyway. He was right.
I sighed and turned to the stable door, looking out it to the main house where Kristalyn was tending to a dying Duard.
“I don’t have the strength to forgive him,” I thought out loud.
“No,” Travon agreed from behind me, “but Deus does.”
Deus. It always returned to Him.
I AM. I am the Truth, The Way, and the Life, Aiden. I AM who you are seeking. If you take this path, I will not stop you, but you will become the man you hate. You will become the man you now want to murder. I have limitless possibilities for you. I have always had a special solution in mind for you, Aiden. It is not this path. You must trust me, Aiden. Trust the path I would choose for you. You have fought me, true, but I have never left you. I take the unworthy and I make them worthy. I can do all things. Through Me, nothing is impossible – even forgiveness.
His words floated back to me and I knew he was speaking them again. Each one an arrow meant to hit its mark.
And they hit.
***
Over the next week I struggled with Deus’ words as well as Kristalyn, Travon, and Magnar’s. As I finished the stable and the workshop, and moved on to the kitchen and main house, their voice moved through my head, answering my questions and even protests as I made them. And from beyond them, my own voice as I taught my siblings about the god I did not believe in, but knew our parents did.
“No, Ilara, Deus doesn’t hate you. ‘Member, he always loves you. He loves all of us, even when we don’t feel it.”
“Yes, Arnan, Deus is angry when you are mean to Wren! You know mother and father would be upset….No, you can’t go play! You have to apologize…. Oh, come on! It would make Deus happy and Wren would smile again.”
“I know it hurts, Daelia… Yes, it hurts Deus too. He doesn’t like it when we cry…. Well, cuz’ he loves us….Yes, Daelia, if you trust Deus, he’ll make it better.”
“Deus even cares for your garden, Sam. He’ll help you.... Yep, He’ll always help you, just ask.”
I hadn’t believed any of it. But they had. Maybe I should have. Maybe I still could. Only one thing stopped me. In order to do any of that, to believe in any of it, I had to forgive Duard of everything he had ever done to my siblings. I had to let it all go and ask Deus for his promised help.
***

Hi Everyone! Yes, it is Monday and here is your post! I've been trying to put it up all day, hoping my formatting would stick at some point, but alas it is not to be the case. For some reason, blogger is looking very odd and half my normal tools are gone. So, I apologize for the way this one looks! However, I do believe you shall forgive me when you read this chapter. It has probably what many of you have been waiting for. I must say I have never done it quite this way before so it was a very interesting experience. I hope you will let me know what you think, but mostly that you will enjoy!
One quick note to Britt, I totally agree and you will see that play out more in a later chapter. And Gabi, I loved seeing you comment!


CHAPTER 38 ~ THE TRUTH REALIZED
TWO YEARS TEN MONTHS AND
TWO WEEKS AFTER BANISHMENT
KRISTALYN
The spring weather was finally gracing the plains we traveled over and I couldn’t remember ever being happier to feel the warm wind on my face. It brought the smell of a new season and new happenings. I wondered where that would take us now.
“Kristalyn?” Travon dropped his horse back to match my pace.
I smiled at the youth. He had become quite the young man and I was proud of the decisions he had made of late.
“What is it, Travon?”
“Well, I was wondering. I want to tell Aiden about… you know, what I decided at the cabin. But I don’t know how.”
I nodded. Travon had made the biggest decision of his life at the cabin, but Aiden wouldn’t be pleased. I glanced ahead where Aiden was traveling with the three animals. Kurioden had taken a liking to Aiden ever since he had made the panther the leather protection. While Egan hated traveling with Aiden, he was riding on Kurioden, because he refused to ride with me. I had given him quite a lashing after his attack on Aiden. He was still ticked off at me and it had been over a month ago. The little dragon knew how to hold a grudge and since he was in the wrong he wasn’t going to get an apology.
I shook my head and turned back to Travon’s current problem.
“I don’t think he’ll really react a whole lot,” I mused.
“Yeah, but if he goes all quiet and gets that look on his face, it might be worse.”
“Look?” I asked.
Travon nodded. “Yeah, like he’s trying not to say how disgusted he is, so he just goes blank.”
“Ah, that look.” I hadn’t realized Travon had watched Aiden quite that closely. Of course, he used that impassive look of his to cover much more than just disgust. “He’ll be surprised, but if anything it’s going to make him think more than anything else. And that’s what he needs.”
“I know, but I don’t want him to be upset with me.” The youth’s voice told all of his hesitation to displease the man who was like a father to him.
“I can understand that, Travon. But what is more important: Aiden possibly being upset with you or not giving him the chance to learn the truth about him and yourself?” I spoke gently.
“That doesn’t make it easier,” Travon mused.
“I know, but I also know you can do it. Deus will help you.”
“How?”
“Ask him to help you to say the right words and then trust that he will,” I replied confidently.
“That seems too simple,” Travon muttered.
I laughed. “Saying it is, doing it is harder.”
A grim, determined look came over his face. “I’ll tell Aiden. I will.” Then he glanced at me. “You’ll be with me, right?”
I nodded. “This I want to see.”
Travon sighed. “Me too.”
***
I kept on eye on Travon for the rest of the day, but he didn’t make any move towards Aiden and I didn’t press. When Travon was ready, he’d tell. I wondered what impact that news would have on Aiden’s own path. As we sat around the warmth of the fire, eating a nice meal of rabbit and squirrel, I could tell by Travon’s face he was working up his courage. I waited, silently urging him to speak. Aiden was no help. It had become his style of late to be in a quiet world of his own.
Kurioden padded over to me and I gave him a pat.
“Where have you been?” I asked, curiously.
The panther shook his head and looked at his back. Egan was missing.
“And where is the grouch?”
Kurioden looked at me and gave a soft growl, before settling down more comfortably. I laughed. Hopefully, the little dragon was blowing off steam and would return in a better mood.
“Hey, Aiden?” Travon’s timid voice caused me to look up.
“Yeah?” Aiden asked, obviously not really paying attention.
Travon shot me a look and I gave him an encouraging nod. Then I started praying.
“Uh, Kristalyn was talking to me lots in the cabin about Deus. She said He’s her best friend. Even when everyone else leaves, like Gidryon, He stays. And He might not make everything easier, but He helps you get through it. He helps you pick the right path.” As Travon spoke, he kept his eyes on the fire in front of him, but his voice remained strong.
“What is your point, Travon?” Aiden asked lazily, ripping off another piece of meat from the stick with his teeth.
I shot him a glare, which he pointedly ignored. This was hard for Travon and Aiden wasn’t helping to make it easier.
“Gidryon believed in Deus. He lived his life for Deus and he wanted me to too, but he never pushed me, you know? Kristalyn said it was my choice.” Travon paused to take a deep breath. “I chose Him. I gave Him my life, so Deus is my God now too.”
Aiden froze for just a second, barely even noticeable, but I saw it. He had been struggling so much with this. What would he do now to Travon?
“Quite a choice. Hope it works out for you,” Aiden finally spoke.
That was it? I didn’t know what I had been expecting, but it wasn’t that.
“You could choose too, Aiden.” Apparently, Travon wasn’t done. I was proud of him for that. “Deus gives you a lot more than He demands. He forgives you for everything and all I did was ask. It was like nothin’ ever before. This peace came after I asked Him to take away all my sins and forgive me. And now, I want to do what He wants me to, cuz He picked my best path already.”
It was not Travon that Aiden looked at when he finally looked up. It was me. The look in his eyes said he’d heard ever word that Travon spoke and they had hit their mark, whatever that was. I sent up a quick prayer for help and spoke.
“He’s right, Aiden. And not making a choice is still making a choice for rejecting Deus,” I prodded gently.
His eyes flashed and I wondered if the storm would hit now.
“I know that, Kristalyn.” His voice was tight, but calm. “If Deus wants to give me peace, if he wants me, he will have to wait until I have protected my family.”
“Why can’t you trust Him to do that?” I asked, my heart tearing at his stubborn persistence in rejecting the One Truth.
“He’s never given me a reason too,” was the bland answer.
“He’s given you hundreds. You simply want to secure things your way, even if that way is wrong,” I whispered, feelings of hurt and rejection tearing at me.
“He gave you us,” Travon put in.
Aiden looked at the youth, but whatever he was going to say he swallowed. I was grateful for that, as I had the feeling it would have been rather hurtful. Instead, he replied, “Yes, and that’s great, but he could decide to take you away at any time too. I will not serve at his whim. Not until I’ve protected my family.”
“So, you’ll serve him afterwards?” Travon pounced on Aiden’s last words. The kid was smart.
I looked at Aiden. He sighed, but answered, “I guess it depends on what happens with Duard. I want the proof that your Deus refuses to give.” He stood, and tossed the now empty stick into the fire, before looking at me. “I’m sorry, Kristalyn. I know that’s not what you want.”
He was apologizing? My heart tore a little more at his tone. Aiden might want more proof about Deus, but I was quickly coming to realize the truth about myself. I cared more than I had admitted to myself about this man. What I wanted? I wanted him. Safe, able to forgive and love, and fighting for Deus, not against him.
I stood and faced him. Taking a deep breath, I walked around the fire to stand in front of him. He looked out above my head for a moment and I waited until he lowered his eyes to mine.
“No, it’s not. But, you’re giving old excuses now, Aiden. And this time, I can see through them. Deus has gotten to you. I’ve seen it. When the time comes, I’m going to trust you again, Aiden, to make the correct decision.”
He shook his head slowly. “That didn’t work out so well last time, Kris.”
“Are you sure? You walked away.”
“Ricald threatened my family and I took his head. Duard is the largest threat to them.” Aiden’s voice was cold.
“Then this will be an even bigger test. When the time comes, Aiden, and it will, call out to Deus. Promise me at least that.” I implored, wanting to chase the coldness out of his voice again and bring back the voice of the man I cared about.
His eyes cleared as he focused on me again. “I can’t. In the heat of that time, I don’t know that I will remember.”
Without conscious movement, I took his hand in mine. His eyes widened slightly at the surprise contact, but his fingers tightened on mine.
“Then Deus will call to you. Answer him, Aiden. Promise me you will. Please.”
Aiden’s fingers tightened on mine again and his free hand came up to gently touch my face. In that moment, I knew whatever I was feeling in my heart was clearly written on my face for him to see.
“I promise. For you, Kristalyn, I won’t shut Deus out. But I can’t give you more than that.”
“It’s all I ask,” I breathed in relief, my heart warm and jumping at his endearing comment to do it for me. “Thank you.”
Aiden shook his head and dropped both of his hands. “I hope it brings you peace, because it brings me none.”
I hurt for him, but it did. Whatever his reasons, if he didn’t shut out Deus, then we all had a chance. It was all I could ask him for, though I would pray for so much more.
***
It was the first time we had seen anything other than the plains since we had come out of the mountains almost four weeks ago. The river moved swiftly downstream. It was wide enough that we would need the bridge in front of us to cross it. The horses wouldn’t make it otherwise. Aiden paused at its edge and seemed to drink in the site. Magnar, who had been flying, came to land next to him.
“Know this bridge, you do?”
Aiden nodded and pointed across it. “See the horizon beyond it?”
Magnar nodded and Travon and I pulled our horses to a stop next to them to get a good look for ourselves, Kurioden and Egan with us.
“That dark green spot, directly ahead is Braedoch Forest.” His voice was hushed, almost as if he didn’t believe what he was saying.
“That’s your home!” Travon exclaimed.
Aiden nodded and looked at me. His eyes spoke of anticipation and uncertainty. It was the first time I could so clearly see it. He had to be letting me read them and my heart went out to him. He was almost there. His whole life’s goal was directly in front of him and he had no idea what would happen next. If I had any lingering doubts about coming with him on this trip, they were erased in that single moment.
I smiled encouragingly at him. “Let’s go save your family.”
A smile broke onto his face and his eyes lit with the determination I was so use to seeing. “Right.”
He kicked his heel into his horse and the animal raced across the bridge. Travon quickly followed. Magnar and Egan took to the skies once again and Kurioden and I raced side by side to catch up. We were almost there.
***
That night we set up camp inside the Braedoch Forest. Aiden was agitated and yet more relaxed in the setting he had grown up in. That night, he recalled stories about his family we had only guessed at. Travon and I laughed at tales of aggravating falcons, first baking lessons and their taste tester victims, and trees carved into little saplings for the good of weapons practice.
It was like glimpsing who Aiden was before he had been forced to become the warrior he was now and I loved every minute of it. If only he had been fully with us, the night would have been perfect. In his eyes, I could still see the mission had its own rights. What he was strategizing, I could only guess, but obviously he didn’t want us to worry about him. Night had fallen long ago when he sent everyone to sleep and took the first watch.
It was only once sleep had claimed most of us, that I saw the weight of what was coming settle once again on his shoulders. They hunched over more and even the dim fire light could not conceal the darkening of his features. What was going through his mind and heart I could only guess and none of my guesses were pleasant.
Perhaps he was wondering about his siblings and their reactions to his new persona, or maybe finally driving the sword through Duard’s heart, he might even be arguing with Deus for all I knew. Whatever his thoughts, I prayed Deus brought him peace for the moment. As I drifted off to sleep, my last though was of his smile and laughter as he told of Sam and Zoe attempting to feed berries to some very confused and scared rabbits.
The sun was still rising when I woke the others. Magnar clawed the ground and immediate took off to stretch his wings. The others rose more slowly. I had almost finished re-toasting last night’s meal when the boys all gathered around. Travon was still rubbing his eyes, but his free hand found the food easily enough. Aiden took his and immediately started gathering his things. He was in a hurry now that he was up.
“All right, I’m leaving,” Aiden said firmly.
Travon and I looked up from our meal in surprise.
“You’re what?” I managed, after I swallowed my mouthful.
“I’m leaving. I don’t want either of you involved in whatever happens next. I’ll come back for you when it’s over,” he stated calmly.
“Have you lost it?” I replied, standing quickly. “You’re not leaving without us.”
“Yeah!” Travon jumped in, food completely forgotten.
Aiden shook his head. “No. You’re staying here.”
“Why?” I spouted.
“You don’t know Duard like I do. I don’t want either of you anywhere near him,” Aiden’s voice was hushed, but still firm.
“We appreciate your concern. But we already came this far.” I pointed out, trying logic for a moment.
“We can’t help if we aren’t there!” Travon exclaimed, pushing his hands into the air as if this was obvious.
Aiden turned to face him, ignoring me. Perhaps, he felt he could take us on one at a time better.
“Yes, you can. I need to know your safe and you won’t be if you go with me. The best way you can help is to stay here. Your safe and I can focus better,” Aiden actually explained.
“I know how to fight,” Travon growled, crossing his arms over his chest in an angry manner.
“I’m well aware of that, Travon. I taught you. But this is different from all the battles you’ve been in. There is only one enemy and I’m the only one who will be fighting him. If your there, he’ll use you as a distraction against me.” Aiden shook his head, frustration evident. “I can’t afford that.”
“But Aiden!” Travon protested again.
“This is not the type of fight either one of us is use too. I’ll need all my concentration to be focused. It has nothing to do with your fighting skills, Travon. You are one of the best fighters I know. And I’m sure we will fight together again, but not this time. Stay here. Guard the horses, I’ll go on foot. Keep them and Kristalyn safe.” Aiden’s voice held all the regard he would for a younger fellow warrior and Travon seemed to grow under his rarely given praise, though he obviously still didn’t like the outcome.
Travon glanced at me, but I was looking at Aiden.
“You mean take care of the horses and himself,” I corrected.
Aiden sighed. “Kristalyn…”
“Do not even start.” I stated. “I will not be left behind when you might need me.”
“I just said…”
“Nothing that applies to me. You might fight Duard by yourself, but you’ll need me on the sidelines incase something happens. You are not leaving me here.” No matter what he said, I was not backing down.
“You’ll still be a distraction. You are not…” Aiden tried again.
“I most certainly am. What if something happens to you, Aiden? I didn’t stick with you to just forsake you at the last second.” I took a deep breath and Aiden cut me off.
“You’re not forsaking me, Kristalyn. You’re doing what I ask.”
“Well, what you’re asking is wrong and you know it. You can’t force me to stay behind. You know you can’t. I bet your taking Magnar with you. Who else do you think can keep me here? And I can get around him too. Try it and find out, Aiden,” I challenged.
Aiden sighed. “You are the most stubborn, frustrating women ever born.”
“I’m just as bad as you,” I responded calmly.
“Kristalyn, you are not listening to me. I do not want you there,” Aiden said, pressing his point.
This time I heard the pain in his voice and I recognized it for what it was.
“You’re scared,” I whispered. I took a step closer to him and lowered my voice. “You don’t want me to see what happened with Ricald again. But it won’t. And if by same chance it does, I won’t turn away. I’m staying with you, Aiden, so get use to it.”
He shook his head. “If something happens to you…”
“It won’t. I trust you and Deus. I’ll be safe. I want to be with you, Aiden. Please, don’t ask me to stay behind.” As I allowed my emotions to flood my eyes, I saw his change to acceptance.
He nodded. “Okay.” He gripped my arm. “I won’t tell you ‘no.’ It won’t do me any good anyway.” I shrugged. “But you have to stay back. I honestly don’t know what is about to happen.”
“I’ll back you up whatever happens.”
Aiden gazed down at me and for a moment I lost all thought as his shale blue eyes drew me in demanding my attention. My heart caught in my throat at their intensity. Here was the man I knew. He would fight for what he loved and he would protect it at all cost. Suddenly, that included me.
Just as quickly as he grabbed me, he let go and took a step back. “Let’s go then.” He turned to Travon. “Watch out for bandits and be careful. No matter what happens, by nightfall, one of us will be back for you.”
Travon nodded. “Deus go with you, Aiden.”
Aiden paused, then answered, “And you, Travon.”
He glanced at me and took off into the woods. I shook myself and gave Travon a smile. “Keep Egan here with you. He’d be bad news to take along. Come, Kurioden!” And we followed Aiden.
Magnar flew above us and the treetops as we moved and it didn’t take us long to catch up. Aiden glanced at me when we did and we walked together in silence. My mind was anything but silent though. It was filled with thoughts of the coming confrontation, but mostly of the man beside me. As we moved through his beloved woods, my mind retraced the steps we had taken to get to this very spot. When we had met, it was as enemies and we had stayed that way for so long. Had he decided to kill my brother, I didn’t know where we would be now, but he had seen the similarities between himself and Tray and instead this warrior enemy had become an ally. He stood at my side and fought next to me to save a country that wasn’t even his own. He had taken out the man that had hurt my family the most. And through it all, he’d asked for nothing, but tried to build up his own skill. Through his own pain and sometimes despite his attitude, he had reached out to others lost and hurting and given them hope, including Travon, Magnar, and myself.
I knew of no other man in the world who had done what Aiden had. Even trying to overcome his own demons, he reached out to those beyond him and changed them as well. Without ever intending too, or even wanting too, he had claimed the loyalty and love of those who he allowed to stay close to him.
Magnar and Travon obviously did love him. But what of me? What love did I have for this man? It certainly wasn’t the same. Aiden had grown to mean much more to me than just a close friend. But could I actually love him? Or did I already?
Aiden paused to hold back a branch from swinging back too fast. I smiled as I passed him and he nodded absently. It was a caring act that was so unlike the Aiden I had first met. Yet this Aiden knew me, unlike anyone I had ever met. Early on, he could read my thoughts and facial expression. No secret was safe from him. He used it to his own advantage and yet he used it for mine as well. No one had ever been able to see inside me, reading me as if they knew me intimately and yet Aiden could. What made him so special? Why of all the good people I had met was he the only one who could really see me and understand?
Without knowing why, I knew he could and it still meant trouble for me, even as it had then. I knew when he had told me he was leaving and to forget him… no, before that, when he had tried to kill himself. I shook my head at myself. It wasn’t a single moment, but many. It was when he looked at me so intently, when he allowed himself to touch me, if only briefly, when he spoke to me as his equal and confident, when he had asked me with those shale blue eyes not to leave him, when he had taken care of Kurioden, and more recently, when he had told me he felt like the opposite of Tray, Tray being who Aiden could have been had things only happened differently. They all added together and each time, each moment, I had lost myself a little more to him. I had known it was happening, known that if I stayed with him, I would not be able to stop it. I had even pleaded to Deus to take away my growing feelings and for some reason He had deliberately chosen not too.
I tried to deny it, even back at the cabin, but somewhere deep inside of me I had known. Just as I did now. Yet, there was one large difference between then and now. I wasn’t going to lose him to something beyond himself back then, now I very well could. If Duard was as powerful as Aiden feared, Aiden might lose his life. If Aiden did win the fight, how he won it would determine everything in his life from that moment on. I had no control over what would happen next, I could only pray to the Almighty Deus that Aiden would make the right choice. Because if he didn’t… if he didn’t, I would lose the man I loved.
I glanced out the side of my eye to see Aiden’s face as he walked beside me, concentration evident on his face and oblivious to all else. For the moment, that was a good thing. I didn’t want him to read my face and I was sure a new emotion was playing across it.
I loved him.
I couldn’t deny it any longer. I had known it was coming, had realized I was falling in love with him, and I had tried to pass it off as caring for him more than what I should. That had been true, but I couldn’t stop it from growing into something much more. He had done what no one else in my world had accomplished. He had made me fall in love with him.
I wanted to be happy about it, to feel the joy that being in love should have brought, but I couldn’t. I knew I loved him with everything in me, my entire being wanted to be with this man, to stay and cherish every second, and have him love me wholly back, yet what I felt was the anxiety of the unknown and the pain of the truth. Aiden didn’t love me, wasn’t capable of loving me as I desired, not yet. And what’s more, even if he did, it wouldn’t matter.
He was marching to take his revenge or die trying. I had promised Deus I would never marry a man that did not hold Him first. And Aiden did not. He had promised only that if Deus called, he wouldn’t shut him out, but he had made it clear he did not want Deus to guide him. He refused to put Deus first above his family and Deus would not accept second place, He never did. No matter how I felt, the same challenge was still in place. I could not be with a man who did not place his trust in Deus, no matter how much I loved him.
The thought brought actual tears to my eyes, tears of both love and pain and the knowledge I could do nothing about either. I had made all my choices. Now, everything was left up to Aiden.
He slowed in front of me and stared ahead for a moment. I blinked the tears away and saw shadows of a few small structures and one larger one inside the large clearing. Aiden was home. He turned to face me.
“Kristalyn, I… Kristalyn, what is it?” Aiden pulled my shoulders around so I faced him fully. “You’re crying.”
“No, I’m not,” I protested. I had stopped a few seconds before.
Aiden gave me a doubtful look. “You were. Are you okay?”
I nodded.
“Did you get hurt?” I was amazed. His home was so close and he was fully focused on me.
“Not by anything in the forest,” I managed.
Aiden frowned. “What did I do?”
I choked out a laugh. “Nothing, Aiden. You haven’t done a thing.” I nodded to the buildings, desperately needing to change the subject. “Is that it?”
His face searched mine again for what had caused me to cry. But when he was finished I wasn’t sure if he had seen the answer or not. Finally, he turned back.
“Yes. That was home. It’s been almost three years now that we were forced to leave. It’s taken me that long to come back.” The self-reproach was evident.
“But you did come back. And now you’re going to fight.”
Aiden glanced at me. “Fight and win.”
“There are more ways to do that than one.”
“Not with Duard,” Aiden spoke grimly.
“Remember your promise, please. Call on Deus. Don’t shut Him out.” I opted for one last plea. Everything in my life and his centered on his next few moments.
Aiden took a deep breath and let it out slowly then he turned to catch my eyes with his. “I’ll do as I promised and I promise nothing else. You need to do that as well. Stay out of the way and safe.”
His eyes were dark with emotions and I allowed myself to become lost in them. I could see his love for his family, his determination, and his anger towards the man who had condemned them all. But beyond even that, I could see his concern for me and it was that which I clung too the most. He cared about me, he might not love me, but I knew he cared. What if this was the last time I would see his eyes like this? What if I lost him?
Despair rose quickly inside of me. I couldn’t. Not without him knowing the truth.
“Aiden, I have too…” but his finger on my lips stopped me.
“Shh. I know.” He moved his finger to my check. “You can tell me when this is over. I’ll finish it here and we’ll move on.” He took a step back from me, allowing his hand to fall, but I didn’t move. “Stay to the shadows. I don’t want him to even know you are here.”
With that, Aiden turned and walked boldly into the clearing. I pulled my knife from its sheaf and followed more slowly, staying closer to the small buildings than he did. This was it.
“Deus, guide him.” I whispered as I moved. “It’s selfish, Deus, but please bring me back the man I love.”
***

Hello Everyone!
I am sorry about the late post. I usually try to get them up each Monday, but my Dad and I took a mini vacation and the internet was not quite readily available. On the plus side, you will have fewer days between this post and the next!
Thanks for the note about venous verse poisonous. You are right of course and I'll be going back to change that one later one.
Mal, at this point I am not planning on posting Liberty Series here. Sorry! But I'll let you know where you can see a few of the chapters if I do decide to post something.
Now, I believe you have waited long enough, don't you?

CHAPTER 37 ~ REGECTING THE ANSWER

TWO YEARS NINE MONTHS

AND ONE WEEKS AFTER BANISHMENT

AIDEN

It hadn’t been easy, but somehow I had managed to avoid any more in-depth discussions of my heart with Kristalyn. The girl was persistent and I kept giving her more information than I intended. Somehow she had the ability to make me tell what I would prefer to keep secret. But with the news I brought back now, hopefully, the questions would end for a little while.

Magnar landed next to the cabin and I jumped to the ground. Quickly, I unloaded the griffin of our supplies and as he shook himself of the still falling snow, I headed inside.

“Good news!” I called out.

“Supplies!” Kristalyn exclaimed.

“Food!” Travon yelped, leaping for my packages.

I gave them over willingly. Kristalyn came to stand beside me.

“You found the village?”

I nodded. “It’s quite a ride from here, but close enough that we could get quite a few supplies. Apparently, this place is owned by some old man who died a few years back. The family comes up here every once and a while, but that’s it. We are welcome to stay as long as we need too.”

“Forget staying, if the village is that close, let’s get out of this cabin! I can’t believe you want to stay after all this time,” she exclaimed.

I shook my head. “We can’t leave until more of the snow melts. The pass to the village is cut off. We can fly in the snow right now and get supplies, but we’d never get everyone and the horses off the mountain. We have to wait.”

She heaved a frustrated sigh, her green eyes sparking. “How long will that take?”

“I don’t know. About a week? Magnar was going to help it along some, but the stuff above looks pretty unstable. We might do more damage than good.”

“Great.” She was quite for a moment then glanced up at me again. “This must be killing you. If it wasn’t for us, you could keep going and get to Duard that much sooner. Now we’re just slowing you down.”

I shrugged. “It can’t be helped. We’ll move out as soon as it’s safe.”

“You’re awful calm about this.” Her eyes took on a light that said she was just now figuring something out. I had to wonder what it was.

“What choice do I have? I’m not leaving you all up here alone. That means I stay too. Arnan has survived this long, hopefully another week won’t kill him.” If it did, I’d never forgive myself, but I would never forgive myself for leaving Kristalyn and Travon on a mountain side either. Egan was a different story.

“You never cease to surprise me, Aiden Romany.”

I glanced at her. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” but she didn’t say anything after that, instead turned to help Travon with the supplies, or else claim some of the food before he ate it all.

Sure enough, one week later the pass was clear and one week after that I saw the best site I’d ever seen – land without mountains on the horizon. We had finally cleared the mountain range and survived one of its harshest winters. I was never doing something so foolish again. But finally I was back on track to getting to Duard and saving my brother.

***

The wide open spaces of the plains made me nervous. There was no cover here; no where to duck and hide should trouble present itself. It was an open battlefield and I hated those. I had allowed myself to be involved in far two many since I had left the forest that lay somewhere to the east of us. I glanced back where Travon was walking next to Kurioden and leading his horse. Kristalyn traveled behind the two. Whatever they were doing had her smiling. I had gotten them involved in too many battles as well. And now, I was taking them into one more.

Peace. My sister wrote of a peace, one that Deus would lead me to despite my efforts to the contrary. But more than ever, I failed to see how. I was heading for a battle, one that might cost me my life if I failed in my mission and yet again was bringing innocent people into my personal war. But since when had that started to matter to me?

When I had first started out, I didn’t care who was in my path or who got hurt, I wanted only to get stronger. And others had suffered for it. That was the path I had willingly chosen. Little Emma had been the first of my living victims that I remember caring about, if you could call it that. She was somewhere on the other side of the forest. Had she taken the money I had left for her? What had become of the little girl in the past years?

But even Zoe’s appearance in my imagination couldn’t stop the destructive path I walked. Gidryon and his stupid prophesy would be my next victims that would make any impression on me and from them, Travon would enter my life. I had trained him and I had placed him on the battlefield. Even Magnar was another of my victims. After all, I was the one who had killed his family. The Hunter was the only victim that had escaped my hand, if you could call it that. But Kristalyn had still suffered for it. My mind raced through names and faces of others, countless others who I had claimed the lives of. How was I any better than Ricald or Duard? I had ruined as many lives as either of them. Yet I felt it was my right and duty to take them both down, putting myself above them. What gave me that right?

I truly was the opposite of the Hunter. I was unworthy, dark, and hated, even by myself.

That is not true, Aiden, and you know it.

The voice hadn’t changed and I didn’t argue with its presence. Maybe I had even been waiting for it.

Why are you here?

I am waiting for you.

Why? To do what?

To choose your path, Aiden, to see my special solution for you.

I already chose a path. I’m on it now.

Are you or are you still struggling and searching for the truth?

The truth? What truth?

I AM. I am the Truth, The Way, and the Life, Aiden. I AM who you are seeking.

I’ve denied you my whole life. I’m not worthy.

You have fought me, true, but I have never left you. And they do not believe you are unworthy.

They? But I knew who the Voice meant. Kristalyn and Travon. Despite what I did, who I was, they stayed with me. Why? How could they deny the darkness I held? How could they look past it and stay at my side? Even wanting to be with me?

I take the unworthy and I make them worthy. I can do all things. Through Me, nothing is impossible – even forgiveness. Ask them, Aiden. Ask and I will give you the answers you seek.

As quickly as it had come, the voice was gone. But its words were not. I had questions to ask now, but no idea how to ask them.

***

“It’s my turn for watch,” Kristalyn said, coming up behind me.

“Yeah,” I responded, not bothering to move.

She sat down next to me and curled her arms around her legs, pulling her knees in close. “What? Are you going to stay and keep me company?”

“I’m not that tired, I guess,” I responded, which was only half true. I was tired, but I hadn’t been able to get Deus’ voice out of my mind since earlier that day. Even now, in the middle of the night I heard Him telling me to ask.

She sat quietly next to me for a minute. The air around us was still cold, as winter hadn’t managed to let go to spring yet, but the mountains claimed all the snow, so things were warmer too. Still, the campfire felt good at my back.

“So, what’s been bothering you?” She finally asked. I could feel her eyes turn towards my face. “You’ve been silent all day.”

“I’m usually silent.”

“Well, yes, but you haven’t yelled at any of us all day.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

“Just thinking,” I replied. How was I supposed to start that conversation anyway?

“Anything in particular or just random death and gloom?”

I glanced over at her. “Is that what is usually on my mind?”

“I wouldn’t know. You rarely talk about it. But you’ve had this impassive face on all day, like your afraid some emotion you don’t want to face will leak out.”

“Oh, so you can read me now?”

She made a snort. “I wish. It would make life easier.”

I laughed at that. “Figuring me out? How would that make your life any easier?”

She shot me a look I couldn’t read in the dark. “It just would.”

I nodded, not really feeling the need to push her any farther. Reading her had made my life easier, but there were some things I still didn’t understand.

“Kristalyn, why did you come with me?”

I felt her eyes search for mine, before she turned away. “That’s a random question.”

“No. You know what I’ve done and who I am, but you stay. You help. Why?”

She didn’t answer, so I supplied the two I could think of and left off the one I didn’t want to think of.

“Misguided loyalty or guilt?”

“Why do you think that?” Her voice held thoughtful consideration.

“Loyalty to Deus to convert me or guilt because you think you’ve used me for my skills and need to repay the debt, though in fairness I once did the same to you.” I kept my voice low.

“I remember.”

“Is that why then?” I asked.

“I think you’ve twisted it around a bit, but those and others. I promised I’d help you. I’m not going to go back on my word.”

“Why would you promise something so foolish to me?”

She hugged her knees tighter. “What do you mean?”

“I almost killed your brother. I have killed countless others. You owe me nothing,” I spit the words out as if they were poison. They felt like it. And she didn’t know all of it.

“Don’t I? You let my brother live. In the time I’ve been with you, you’ve changed a great deal. Do you know the largest difference between you and my brother, Aiden?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “You walked away from Deus. You decided He was the enemy and you turned your back on Him as far as you could go. You fostered this huge hatred for Him and for anyone that opposed you. But even though you were through with Him, He wasn’t through with you.”

I could not deny her logic. I had seen it myself. No matter how far I ran, or what I did, He seemed intent on pursuing me. I was tired of running, I knew that. But I wasn’t so sure I was ready to surrender the fight. “Why does he care about what I do now? He didn’t care about my family when Duard was torturing us.”

“You already know that’s not true. He did care. Duard chose his own path of his own free will. Deus turned that path around for his own accomplishments. One of which is you.”

“Me? What does he want with me? Why won’t he just let me go?”

Kristalyn laughed, her voice carrying the merry sound out across the stillness of the plain. “Because, despite all you’ve done, Aiden, Deus still loves you and He still wants you to follow the path He chose for you. He wants to make you worthy.”

I swung around to look at her. She couldn’t have come to realized what I hadn’t said to her before. I would have seen it in her eyes. “Worthy of what?”

She laughed again. “Anything,” she repeated my answer from the cabin. “Whatever it is He has planned for you. I’ve seen your capacity for hate and rage, but I’ve also seen the love you have for your family, despite your best intents to push it aside. You told me to stay away from your heart, Aiden, and you wanted to keep it away from yourself. But you can never hide your heart from Deus. He knows it all.”

“Everything I’ve done,” I expanded her thought.

She nodded her head, the firelight from behind us backlighting her features. “Yes, everything.”

“Then why chase me? He should know I’m not worth it.”

“Aiden, haven’t you been listening to me? He knows He can make you worthy. All you have to do is ask His forgiveness for all of those actions, even the thoughts. He’ll forgive you for each one and take them away. Make you clean from them. That’s His mercy.”

“Forgiveness.” That was what He had told me to ask them about. I take the unworthy and I make them worthy. I can do all things. Through Me, nothing is impossible – even forgiveness. “I don’t… Why would He forgive me? Why would anyone?”

“I did,” her answer was quiet.

“Is that why you can stand to stay with me?” I had to force out the question.

She turned to me and I could feel her gaze. “You listen to me, Aiden Romany. I want to be with you. I want to help you. No one is forcing me to do this. It’s not my place to judge you on any of your past actions. And for those that you’ve done to me, you made it easy for me to forgive. You spared my brother’s life and you’ve cared for me.”

“Cared for you?” My voice rose as I looked at her startled. Cared for her? How?

“You spawn it off as other things.” She shrugged. “But you helped me save my country, you talk to me as you don’t anyone else, you understand me like no one else can, you’ve even helped Kurioden. All of those are caring actions. They come from the heart you don’t want to possess. But it’s still there. There’s only one thing that’s stopping you from being everything Deus wants you to be, Aiden, from being worthy.”

I wanted to scoff and act as if her answer didn’t matter, but I couldn’t anymore, because it did and we both knew it. “And that is?”

“The path you walk now. You can’t forgive what Duard did to you and your family and that leads you to revenge. If you want that peace and forgiveness from Deus, Aiden, then you have to forgive Duard and yourself.”

Forgive Duard? What good would that do? Save my soul and keep my family forever separated? That would just be one more betrayal to them. Once more, I would be taking the easy way out. Duard had chosen his path and it led to us being separated, the only thing that could right that path was forcing him off of it and that was only going to happen in one way. He had to go. He had to be stopped. I would not betray my family again. I would be strong enough.

“I can’t. Duard has to be stopped,” I stated firmly.

“Let Deus stop him.”

I did laugh at that. “Yeah, he’s done a good job of that so far, hasn’t he?”

“There are other ways to stop Duard besides revenge, Aiden,” her voice was tired now.

This had become an old argument. She simply didn’t understand. “Not Duard. Ricald had to be killed. Duard is much worse. As long as he lives, my family is in danger. And Arnan needs a safe place to live. Duard has to go and I’m the only one who can stop him.”

She shook her head, her voice low and sorrowful. “You’re wrong, Aiden. Deus strength is much greater than yours. You can’t even comprehend it. You might not need any of the rest of us, but if you really want to be strong enough, He’s your only chance.”

“Then I have none.”

“Now you’re starting to get it. Your strong, Aiden, and brave, but if you want to stop Duard you need Deus.”

“He requires too much,” I replied, shaking my head no.

“What do you mean?” She looked at me curiously.

I barked a laugh. “You forget I’ve been watching you too, Kristalyn. I know what your so called god has asked of you. I’ve seen what you’ve gone though and had to give up. He wants your total devotion to him. Nothing else can be before him, not even your family. I won’t to that to my family. They will come first. Everything I’ve done has been for them. I won’t betray them yet again.”

“And if they lose you in the process? Your revenge will tear you apart and it might even kill you and for what? So your family can come back to a forest home that holds all their memories of the brother they use to know? Let Deus help you, let Him guide you through this. He’ll forgive you of everything you’ve ever done, Aiden, and he’ll help you forgive Duard and yourself. All you have to do is ask him. Why do you have to be so stubborn?”

I stood and gave her a cocky smile that she probably couldn’t see and I didn’t feel. “Because that’s all I know how to be. If Deus wants me to walk His path, He’ll have to work harder to convince me. I don’t mind what He has to offer, if it’s true, but I won’t pay the price of my family.”

“Then I’ll just have to keep praying. If you really want to save your family, Aiden, you have to be able to really love and you can’t do that until you can forgive.”

Her voice floated to me as I moved back to my bedding next to Travon’s. The youth was still asleep, waiting his turn as the final guard for the long night. I lay down next to him, but my mind refused to be quieted so easily.

Was I even capable of love? Did I really want to love? Hadn’t I already determined that was a bad thing? Yes, it was, for now. But what about after? Who or what was I going to be when the dust settled and Duard was dead? Would I recognize the person? Would any of my siblings? Or would I become the person they now feared? The thought ripped through me, tearing my stomach to shreds and turning my thoughts against me.

Was Deus the answer? Could he change me enough so that my siblings wouldn’t reject me? Even if he could, his requirements were still too high. And what if he required me to let Duard live? Could I deal with that?

Trust me, Aiden.

Prove to me that I can. I responded to the voice of Deus and I had my decision.

No. No, Duard had to die or my family would not be able to safely come home. I could think of thousands of different angles, but no matter what Deus thought he could do, the answer always remained the same. If I were ever to take Deus’ path, it would have to be after I dealt with Duard. And at that point, I didn’t see much of a reason too.

***