Hello Everyone!
I am sorry about the late post. I usually try to get them up each Monday, but my Dad and I took a mini vacation and the internet was not quite readily available. On the plus side, you will have fewer days between this post and the next!
Thanks for the note about venous verse poisonous. You are right of course and I'll be going back to change that one later one.
Mal, at this point I am not planning on posting Liberty Series here. Sorry! But I'll let you know where you can see a few of the chapters if I do decide to post something.
Now, I believe you have waited long enough, don't you?

CHAPTER 37 ~ REGECTING THE ANSWER

TWO YEARS NINE MONTHS

AND ONE WEEKS AFTER BANISHMENT

AIDEN

It hadn’t been easy, but somehow I had managed to avoid any more in-depth discussions of my heart with Kristalyn. The girl was persistent and I kept giving her more information than I intended. Somehow she had the ability to make me tell what I would prefer to keep secret. But with the news I brought back now, hopefully, the questions would end for a little while.

Magnar landed next to the cabin and I jumped to the ground. Quickly, I unloaded the griffin of our supplies and as he shook himself of the still falling snow, I headed inside.

“Good news!” I called out.

“Supplies!” Kristalyn exclaimed.

“Food!” Travon yelped, leaping for my packages.

I gave them over willingly. Kristalyn came to stand beside me.

“You found the village?”

I nodded. “It’s quite a ride from here, but close enough that we could get quite a few supplies. Apparently, this place is owned by some old man who died a few years back. The family comes up here every once and a while, but that’s it. We are welcome to stay as long as we need too.”

“Forget staying, if the village is that close, let’s get out of this cabin! I can’t believe you want to stay after all this time,” she exclaimed.

I shook my head. “We can’t leave until more of the snow melts. The pass to the village is cut off. We can fly in the snow right now and get supplies, but we’d never get everyone and the horses off the mountain. We have to wait.”

She heaved a frustrated sigh, her green eyes sparking. “How long will that take?”

“I don’t know. About a week? Magnar was going to help it along some, but the stuff above looks pretty unstable. We might do more damage than good.”

“Great.” She was quite for a moment then glanced up at me again. “This must be killing you. If it wasn’t for us, you could keep going and get to Duard that much sooner. Now we’re just slowing you down.”

I shrugged. “It can’t be helped. We’ll move out as soon as it’s safe.”

“You’re awful calm about this.” Her eyes took on a light that said she was just now figuring something out. I had to wonder what it was.

“What choice do I have? I’m not leaving you all up here alone. That means I stay too. Arnan has survived this long, hopefully another week won’t kill him.” If it did, I’d never forgive myself, but I would never forgive myself for leaving Kristalyn and Travon on a mountain side either. Egan was a different story.

“You never cease to surprise me, Aiden Romany.”

I glanced at her. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” but she didn’t say anything after that, instead turned to help Travon with the supplies, or else claim some of the food before he ate it all.

Sure enough, one week later the pass was clear and one week after that I saw the best site I’d ever seen – land without mountains on the horizon. We had finally cleared the mountain range and survived one of its harshest winters. I was never doing something so foolish again. But finally I was back on track to getting to Duard and saving my brother.

***

The wide open spaces of the plains made me nervous. There was no cover here; no where to duck and hide should trouble present itself. It was an open battlefield and I hated those. I had allowed myself to be involved in far two many since I had left the forest that lay somewhere to the east of us. I glanced back where Travon was walking next to Kurioden and leading his horse. Kristalyn traveled behind the two. Whatever they were doing had her smiling. I had gotten them involved in too many battles as well. And now, I was taking them into one more.

Peace. My sister wrote of a peace, one that Deus would lead me to despite my efforts to the contrary. But more than ever, I failed to see how. I was heading for a battle, one that might cost me my life if I failed in my mission and yet again was bringing innocent people into my personal war. But since when had that started to matter to me?

When I had first started out, I didn’t care who was in my path or who got hurt, I wanted only to get stronger. And others had suffered for it. That was the path I had willingly chosen. Little Emma had been the first of my living victims that I remember caring about, if you could call it that. She was somewhere on the other side of the forest. Had she taken the money I had left for her? What had become of the little girl in the past years?

But even Zoe’s appearance in my imagination couldn’t stop the destructive path I walked. Gidryon and his stupid prophesy would be my next victims that would make any impression on me and from them, Travon would enter my life. I had trained him and I had placed him on the battlefield. Even Magnar was another of my victims. After all, I was the one who had killed his family. The Hunter was the only victim that had escaped my hand, if you could call it that. But Kristalyn had still suffered for it. My mind raced through names and faces of others, countless others who I had claimed the lives of. How was I any better than Ricald or Duard? I had ruined as many lives as either of them. Yet I felt it was my right and duty to take them both down, putting myself above them. What gave me that right?

I truly was the opposite of the Hunter. I was unworthy, dark, and hated, even by myself.

That is not true, Aiden, and you know it.

The voice hadn’t changed and I didn’t argue with its presence. Maybe I had even been waiting for it.

Why are you here?

I am waiting for you.

Why? To do what?

To choose your path, Aiden, to see my special solution for you.

I already chose a path. I’m on it now.

Are you or are you still struggling and searching for the truth?

The truth? What truth?

I AM. I am the Truth, The Way, and the Life, Aiden. I AM who you are seeking.

I’ve denied you my whole life. I’m not worthy.

You have fought me, true, but I have never left you. And they do not believe you are unworthy.

They? But I knew who the Voice meant. Kristalyn and Travon. Despite what I did, who I was, they stayed with me. Why? How could they deny the darkness I held? How could they look past it and stay at my side? Even wanting to be with me?

I take the unworthy and I make them worthy. I can do all things. Through Me, nothing is impossible – even forgiveness. Ask them, Aiden. Ask and I will give you the answers you seek.

As quickly as it had come, the voice was gone. But its words were not. I had questions to ask now, but no idea how to ask them.

***

“It’s my turn for watch,” Kristalyn said, coming up behind me.

“Yeah,” I responded, not bothering to move.

She sat down next to me and curled her arms around her legs, pulling her knees in close. “What? Are you going to stay and keep me company?”

“I’m not that tired, I guess,” I responded, which was only half true. I was tired, but I hadn’t been able to get Deus’ voice out of my mind since earlier that day. Even now, in the middle of the night I heard Him telling me to ask.

She sat quietly next to me for a minute. The air around us was still cold, as winter hadn’t managed to let go to spring yet, but the mountains claimed all the snow, so things were warmer too. Still, the campfire felt good at my back.

“So, what’s been bothering you?” She finally asked. I could feel her eyes turn towards my face. “You’ve been silent all day.”

“I’m usually silent.”

“Well, yes, but you haven’t yelled at any of us all day.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

“Just thinking,” I replied. How was I supposed to start that conversation anyway?

“Anything in particular or just random death and gloom?”

I glanced over at her. “Is that what is usually on my mind?”

“I wouldn’t know. You rarely talk about it. But you’ve had this impassive face on all day, like your afraid some emotion you don’t want to face will leak out.”

“Oh, so you can read me now?”

She made a snort. “I wish. It would make life easier.”

I laughed at that. “Figuring me out? How would that make your life any easier?”

She shot me a look I couldn’t read in the dark. “It just would.”

I nodded, not really feeling the need to push her any farther. Reading her had made my life easier, but there were some things I still didn’t understand.

“Kristalyn, why did you come with me?”

I felt her eyes search for mine, before she turned away. “That’s a random question.”

“No. You know what I’ve done and who I am, but you stay. You help. Why?”

She didn’t answer, so I supplied the two I could think of and left off the one I didn’t want to think of.

“Misguided loyalty or guilt?”

“Why do you think that?” Her voice held thoughtful consideration.

“Loyalty to Deus to convert me or guilt because you think you’ve used me for my skills and need to repay the debt, though in fairness I once did the same to you.” I kept my voice low.

“I remember.”

“Is that why then?” I asked.

“I think you’ve twisted it around a bit, but those and others. I promised I’d help you. I’m not going to go back on my word.”

“Why would you promise something so foolish to me?”

She hugged her knees tighter. “What do you mean?”

“I almost killed your brother. I have killed countless others. You owe me nothing,” I spit the words out as if they were poison. They felt like it. And she didn’t know all of it.

“Don’t I? You let my brother live. In the time I’ve been with you, you’ve changed a great deal. Do you know the largest difference between you and my brother, Aiden?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “You walked away from Deus. You decided He was the enemy and you turned your back on Him as far as you could go. You fostered this huge hatred for Him and for anyone that opposed you. But even though you were through with Him, He wasn’t through with you.”

I could not deny her logic. I had seen it myself. No matter how far I ran, or what I did, He seemed intent on pursuing me. I was tired of running, I knew that. But I wasn’t so sure I was ready to surrender the fight. “Why does he care about what I do now? He didn’t care about my family when Duard was torturing us.”

“You already know that’s not true. He did care. Duard chose his own path of his own free will. Deus turned that path around for his own accomplishments. One of which is you.”

“Me? What does he want with me? Why won’t he just let me go?”

Kristalyn laughed, her voice carrying the merry sound out across the stillness of the plain. “Because, despite all you’ve done, Aiden, Deus still loves you and He still wants you to follow the path He chose for you. He wants to make you worthy.”

I swung around to look at her. She couldn’t have come to realized what I hadn’t said to her before. I would have seen it in her eyes. “Worthy of what?”

She laughed again. “Anything,” she repeated my answer from the cabin. “Whatever it is He has planned for you. I’ve seen your capacity for hate and rage, but I’ve also seen the love you have for your family, despite your best intents to push it aside. You told me to stay away from your heart, Aiden, and you wanted to keep it away from yourself. But you can never hide your heart from Deus. He knows it all.”

“Everything I’ve done,” I expanded her thought.

She nodded her head, the firelight from behind us backlighting her features. “Yes, everything.”

“Then why chase me? He should know I’m not worth it.”

“Aiden, haven’t you been listening to me? He knows He can make you worthy. All you have to do is ask His forgiveness for all of those actions, even the thoughts. He’ll forgive you for each one and take them away. Make you clean from them. That’s His mercy.”

“Forgiveness.” That was what He had told me to ask them about. I take the unworthy and I make them worthy. I can do all things. Through Me, nothing is impossible – even forgiveness. “I don’t… Why would He forgive me? Why would anyone?”

“I did,” her answer was quiet.

“Is that why you can stand to stay with me?” I had to force out the question.

She turned to me and I could feel her gaze. “You listen to me, Aiden Romany. I want to be with you. I want to help you. No one is forcing me to do this. It’s not my place to judge you on any of your past actions. And for those that you’ve done to me, you made it easy for me to forgive. You spared my brother’s life and you’ve cared for me.”

“Cared for you?” My voice rose as I looked at her startled. Cared for her? How?

“You spawn it off as other things.” She shrugged. “But you helped me save my country, you talk to me as you don’t anyone else, you understand me like no one else can, you’ve even helped Kurioden. All of those are caring actions. They come from the heart you don’t want to possess. But it’s still there. There’s only one thing that’s stopping you from being everything Deus wants you to be, Aiden, from being worthy.”

I wanted to scoff and act as if her answer didn’t matter, but I couldn’t anymore, because it did and we both knew it. “And that is?”

“The path you walk now. You can’t forgive what Duard did to you and your family and that leads you to revenge. If you want that peace and forgiveness from Deus, Aiden, then you have to forgive Duard and yourself.”

Forgive Duard? What good would that do? Save my soul and keep my family forever separated? That would just be one more betrayal to them. Once more, I would be taking the easy way out. Duard had chosen his path and it led to us being separated, the only thing that could right that path was forcing him off of it and that was only going to happen in one way. He had to go. He had to be stopped. I would not betray my family again. I would be strong enough.

“I can’t. Duard has to be stopped,” I stated firmly.

“Let Deus stop him.”

I did laugh at that. “Yeah, he’s done a good job of that so far, hasn’t he?”

“There are other ways to stop Duard besides revenge, Aiden,” her voice was tired now.

This had become an old argument. She simply didn’t understand. “Not Duard. Ricald had to be killed. Duard is much worse. As long as he lives, my family is in danger. And Arnan needs a safe place to live. Duard has to go and I’m the only one who can stop him.”

She shook her head, her voice low and sorrowful. “You’re wrong, Aiden. Deus strength is much greater than yours. You can’t even comprehend it. You might not need any of the rest of us, but if you really want to be strong enough, He’s your only chance.”

“Then I have none.”

“Now you’re starting to get it. Your strong, Aiden, and brave, but if you want to stop Duard you need Deus.”

“He requires too much,” I replied, shaking my head no.

“What do you mean?” She looked at me curiously.

I barked a laugh. “You forget I’ve been watching you too, Kristalyn. I know what your so called god has asked of you. I’ve seen what you’ve gone though and had to give up. He wants your total devotion to him. Nothing else can be before him, not even your family. I won’t to that to my family. They will come first. Everything I’ve done has been for them. I won’t betray them yet again.”

“And if they lose you in the process? Your revenge will tear you apart and it might even kill you and for what? So your family can come back to a forest home that holds all their memories of the brother they use to know? Let Deus help you, let Him guide you through this. He’ll forgive you of everything you’ve ever done, Aiden, and he’ll help you forgive Duard and yourself. All you have to do is ask him. Why do you have to be so stubborn?”

I stood and gave her a cocky smile that she probably couldn’t see and I didn’t feel. “Because that’s all I know how to be. If Deus wants me to walk His path, He’ll have to work harder to convince me. I don’t mind what He has to offer, if it’s true, but I won’t pay the price of my family.”

“Then I’ll just have to keep praying. If you really want to save your family, Aiden, you have to be able to really love and you can’t do that until you can forgive.”

Her voice floated to me as I moved back to my bedding next to Travon’s. The youth was still asleep, waiting his turn as the final guard for the long night. I lay down next to him, but my mind refused to be quieted so easily.

Was I even capable of love? Did I really want to love? Hadn’t I already determined that was a bad thing? Yes, it was, for now. But what about after? Who or what was I going to be when the dust settled and Duard was dead? Would I recognize the person? Would any of my siblings? Or would I become the person they now feared? The thought ripped through me, tearing my stomach to shreds and turning my thoughts against me.

Was Deus the answer? Could he change me enough so that my siblings wouldn’t reject me? Even if he could, his requirements were still too high. And what if he required me to let Duard live? Could I deal with that?

Trust me, Aiden.

Prove to me that I can. I responded to the voice of Deus and I had my decision.

No. No, Duard had to die or my family would not be able to safely come home. I could think of thousands of different angles, but no matter what Deus thought he could do, the answer always remained the same. If I were ever to take Deus’ path, it would have to be after I dealt with Duard. And at that point, I didn’t see much of a reason too.

***