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I'm trying to post this before my computer dies, so I hope you all enjoy!
Here now is the pretty much the end of Aiden's journey.
CHAPTER 40 ~ FINISHING IT
TWO YEARS ELEVEN AND
A HALF MONTHS AFTER BANISHMENT
AIDEN
I was up on the roof patching a hole we had discovered the other night in a downpour. The rain had come hard and fast, forcing everyone inside early in the day. It had almost been like the cabin again, except that the horses were in the stable and Duard was in the house with us. Egan had managed to get a fire started, despite the fact that all the wood was now wet. With all the repairs I had been doing, it was the one chore I had neglected and now we would be using wet wood until Travon and I could hunt up some dry stuff. Meanwhile, a not so small hole in the roof had made the night even more miserable.
“Aiden!” Kristalyn’s voice called from below.
I moved to the side of the roof and glanced down at her.
“I think I just used the last of the meat. At least, I can’t find anymore.”
I sighed. We had enough to last us for days. “Magnar must have needed a snack. What do you want me to do about it now?”
She looked at me, green eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “Well, getting more would be a good idea.”
Grumbling, I made my way down. The hole was almost fixed anyway. I landed next to Kristalyn, who gave me a smile.
“Thank you.”
I shook my head at her. “You enjoy this way too much.”
“And you don’t enjoy things enough. I haven’t seen you smile since the night before we got here. What happened to the Aiden who was telling us stories of the family he loves so much?” Her voice was soft, but her eyes penetrating.
I sighed. “He grew up.”
She watched me for a moment then spoke gently, “He was already grown. He just knew how to laugh as well as carry a heavy burden. Now, instead of releasing the burden, you’re carrying it tighter. Why?”
“I know it. It’s what comes next that I’m not sure of.” I glanced at the house. “He’s still alive. I failed in that. So, do I dare call my siblings home? What of Arnan?”
“Did you fail, Aiden? Or did you find a different way to succeed?” She asked pointedly, before turning and reentering the house, where I could hear Duard beginning to groan. I had yet to even speak to the man.
A different way to succeed? What did she mean by that? Duard still held power over us. I hadn’t beaten him as I though, so didn’t mean I had failed? How could I succeed and he still be alive?
The thoughts danced in my mind as I gathered my gear and headed into the woods, but not before I called Magnar and made him head the opposite direction. My mind flickered back to the subject at hand.
I could have killed Duard and we both knew it. It was only Deus voice that had saved him, not my mercy. Deus had said that by killing Duard I would become him, someone I wanted to murder. That was what had caused me to pause and ultimately the sword had plunged into the ground instead of Duard’s throat. I hadn’t taken that path of revenge, but what path had I taken?
Aquila’s river was now in front of me. It was quite here, and just downriver I could see a bridge going across. Instantly, I decided to cross and try my luck on the other side. The water was calm here, but down stream it would enter into the larger river and become quite violent. Between there and where I now stood, was a good place to find some larger prey.
It wasn’t the path of peace. I had felt no such thing since I had allowed Duard to live. It was as if my very soul cried out for something that I had failed to give it, but no matter how much I search my mind and heart, I could not find that answer and I could not find the peace that Wren talked about.
I slowed down as I heard voices up ahead. Slowly, I moved in closer and shook my head at what I saw. Two men, who looked very much like the Wild Men from the north, were standing having a rather heated discussion, while a woman was seated on the ground, watching. None of them seemed happy, but neither did the woman sound like she was in danger. I backed away silently and headed back to my hunting. Whoever they were, didn’t concern me unless they came to the clearing. I would dispatch them then if I had too.
I kept moving until a flash of brown to my left caused me to pause. Whatever it was, had to be large and that meant good food for a few days at least, providing Magnar got his own meat for a change. I crouched lower and made my way towards our soon to be meal. As I moved though, another site caused me to take a step back and freeze in a shock that shook my whole body.
Squatting down, behind a bush, was a man only slightly smaller than me. His brown hair was longish. His bow and arrow were at the ready. Obviously, he hadn’t seen or heard me yet. It had been so long, almost three years now, but I would know his form anywhere. Crouching in front of me, oblivious to my presence was my brother Taerith.
Taerith.
I hadn’t head from him in all this time, yet he had been my other half in so much during our younger years. It was us together that had stood between our family and Duard and it had been us that had raised the family with Daelia. I had no idea who he was now or how he would react to who I had become. But this was my brother. My brother had come home.
I reached out to him and had to stop my hand from trembling before I placed it on his shoulder. My mind now blank, except of the knowledge that my brother had come home.
He turned fast, his bow out and ready to release and then his eyes met mine and he froze. I watched as the recognition dawned on his face. A face that was older and had seen more than it should have in the three years of separation. Yet, his consistent calm and thoughtfulness was still well maintained in his eyes.
“You look well, Taerith,” I spoke first.
“You look awful,” Taerith replied, visibly still trying to process what was happening. He always had thought things through longer than anyone else.
I laughed at his comment, but it sounded hollow even to me. I could well imagine why I looked awful. Kristalyn had said almost the same thing earlier. I had been this way since I had failed. Out loud, I answered, “I should. I failed our family again.”
“Why are you here?” Taerith asked.
He couldn’t guess? “Why else? I’m here to kill Duard,” I paused then added, “and I failed.”
He was quiet for a moment, processing as usual. “You went home?”
“If you can call it that,” I answered, thinking of all the work that still had to be done and Duard being tended in the front room.
His next words stopped my thoughts. “I’m not alone.”
I looked back and studied him for a moment. So, I wasn’t the only one to bring people back with me. Well, that was interesting. It appeared we had much to catch up on and we hadn’t even said hello yet. The thought amused me for some reason.
“This is one strange way to talk for two brothers together again. Hello, Taerith. It’s good to see you.”
Taerith smiled and we clasped arms in the typical warrior fashion.
“Tell me,” I asked, suddenly remembering the people I had passed, “it’s not those other three you brought with you. You have more sense than to attach yourself to that.”
Taerith opened his mouth to answer, when his eyes snapped, “Who?”
“Wild men,” I replied, not liking the look in his eyes. “Warriors; they smell like trouble.”
The words hadn’t left my mouth, before Taerith was gone. It would take much time to get things all sorted out. Taerith had brought more than just people with him, but also the problems of his three year past. As he and the woman, the same one I had seen earlier, worked together, I left Taerith with instructions how to get to the bridge and then left for home. Kristalyn would want to know of my brother’s arrival and I had some things to think through.
I arrived back and paused to take a good look around. Travon had been working to clear all the foliage that had grown wild and the pathways between the buildings could now be clearly seen. The roofs were no longer leaking water and the doorways were sound again. Wild vines had grown up all over, but in most places it didn’t really look bad. Sam’s garden was still a mess, but I had no idea how to fix that. Almost all of the work now was on the inside of the main building. It didn’t look perfect, but it was ready to Taerith and our other siblings to see.
I moved to the door of the main house and stepped in. Kristalyn was sitting beside Duard’s bed as usual. Kurioden beside her. Both looked up at my entry and I walked over to them. Duard lay still and pale on the bed. His wounds from our fight had all been dressed, but were slow in healing. I looked to Kristalyn.
“Taerith is here.”
She looked at me in surprise. “Taerith? Isn’t that one of your brothers?”
“Yes, second after me.”
“Why has he returned?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t speak to him very long before things got rather confusing.” I shook my head as I remembered the scene. “He had some things to take care off, but he should be here in the morning.”
She glanced down at her self and then up at me. “Are you ready for that?”
I studied her for a moment. Her movements pretreated nothing, but I could see a slight nervousness in her eyes. Why would she be nervous now of all times? “Kristalyn, you don’t have to worry. Taerith is a good man. He’s brought back some people with him as well. I think he’s gotten married and had a kid.”
She smiled and relaxed some. “Okay.”
I nodded then glanced at Duard. “You hear that, Duard? Taerith came home! You didn’t stop up.”
But the old man didn’t move.
“He’s been silent all morning. Not even a single hateful word or order.”
“You’re being too good to him,” I muttered. If he said anything to hurt her and I found out, I’d finish the job I’d started.
She laughed softly. “I’m fine, Aiden. You have other things to think about besides me.”
“You don’t want me to think about you?” I asked, for a moment enjoying teasing her again. It had been a while.
Her eyes jumped at the familiar teasing, but she answered seriously. “You can think about me all you want, as soon as you’ve figured out everything else cluttering up your thoughts right now.”
I shook my head at her. Leave it to her to remind me I still hadn’t forgiven the man on the bed. “I’ll be close if you need me.”
“I’ll be here,” she responded, smiling at me. I hadn’t realized I’d missed it so much.
I nodded and exited the door. I could still get some work done before Taerith showed up.
***
I stayed close to the house the next morning. Inside, I could here Kristalyn talking to Kurio about all different things. Her voice was low and had a familiar humming to it that I had long ago grown use too. Occasionally, I could hear Duard giving orders or calling out something nasty. It took all my strength not to barge in and wring his neck. But Kristalyn always managed to silence him with only a word or two and so I didn’t intervene.
Taerith would see him for the first time in three years today. Of our whole family, it had always been the two of us who had stood between them and Duard and we had done it again on that day so long ago. Somehow it was fitting that the two of us had come back first. Taerith would want to talk to him, but I had already said everything I intended to say to that monster. Except for the one thing Kristalyn and Deus were waiting for.
I simply couldn’t forgive the man for all he had done.
Taerith and his following appeared at the edge of the clearing. I watched Taerith approach slowly, his eyes fixed on me as I leaned against the doorway, arms crossed. I wondered briefly what he saw as he studied me or if he really saw me at all. After all, Duard was who he had come to challenge.
“He’s inside,” I informed Taerith as he drew closer. “She’s with him…Kristalyn.”
Taerith nodded and moved past me. I heard the door open to his hand, but didn’t turn around. I couldn’t make myself face whatever would happen inside that room. I could hear the low murmurs of conversation, but I didn’t try to discern the words. Instead, I closed my eyes and allowed my thoughts to return to my larger problem.
My stubbornness in refusing to forgive him was hurting her. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. That was why she tended to him. She was giving me more time. She wanted me to take Deus path, but just as Deus, she couldn’t force me. I had to choice to do it, to give up what I had worked these last three years for. I had to choice to give up my need for revenge.
Taerith left the house and glanced around. When he saw me, he took a step forward and said in a quite, but firm voice, “No vengeance, Aiden. It’s over now.”
I felt myself nodding to his words, as if I was giving my agreement not to take revenge, to betray my family again. Taerith’s words ‘no vengeance’ sank into my spirit and I knew I would not be taking my revenge, no matter how much I wanted it. “I know.”
Taerith slapped me on the back and then moved past me, towards the garden. I watched for a moment then turned to face the house again, frustration building inside of me. I would not be taking my revenge. I would not be killing Duard. What good was I? How could I call myself an older brother to my siblings when I couldn’t even fulfill my job to bring them home and guard them from this man who could still, even in a weakened state, hold such power over me?
I raced my fist and smashed it against the stone wall of the house. Inside, I heard something crash to the ground. Turning, I moved quickly away. Behind me, I heard Kristalyn calling my name, but I didn’t stop and I didn’t slow down. I moved past the buildings and into the forest, my mind too full to form thoughts and only my feet knew where they took me. It wasn’t until I recognized the tree in front of me that I pulled to a stop. I stared at the it.
It was older and wider than two arm lengths now. But up and down its trunk were deep scars. Some larger and some smaller, but most had the look of fury. It was the tree Ilara had taken out her anger on when we were told we would be separated in three days. Slowly, I made my way to it and my hand felt the deep grooves. Some of the bark broke free at my touch. It was hard and rigid.
A squawk sounded above me and then Magnar landed next to me. A moment later, Kristalyn broke through the trees.
“Thank you, Magnar,” she said.
“Welcome,” Magnar spoke, but his voice said he was looking at me. Suddenly, the wind picked up and I knew Magnar had taken off once again.
Kristalyn stood somewhere behind me and I waited for her to speak, but she stayed silent.
“This was Ilara’s tree,” I finally spoke. “She took her anger out on it that day.”
“When you were told you would be separated,” Kristalyn clarified and I nodded. “What did you think that day?”
“That I had to watch them. I had to make sure they got off okay.” I dropped the bark in my hand and touched the tree again.
“Were you the last person they saw?”
“Yes. I said goodbye to each of them the final morning.”
“And did they hate you then?” The question was asked in a gentle low voice, but it still surprised me.
I thought back to that moment. The sadness and uneasiness was easy to remember, but I could not recall any hatred, except perhaps my own for Duard. Finally, I answered, “No. They only wanted my reassurance.”
“And did you give it?”
“As best I could,” I answered.
“Taerith said something to Duard I think you should know about, Aiden. It was the end that really surprised me. Despite Duard’s rib to take vengeance, Taerith told him, ‘we release and forgive you and you’ll have to find a way to deal with that.’ He made it your decision as well as his to release and forgive Duard and put an end to the cycle of vengeance.”
I sighed. “I won’t be killing Duard in his sleep if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“But have you given up your thirst for revenge? Have you forgiven him?” Kristalyn focused on my face and I couldn’t look away.
I didn’t answer for a moment, searching inside me for the thirst that had fed me for so many years. It shocked no one more than me when I realized I couldn’t find it. When I had told Taerith no vengeance I had meant it and the feelings had slipped away. But where did that leave me? I felt weak with the knowledge that a portion of my life, my reason for life, was gone.
“Aiden?” Kristalyn’s voice was filled with concern.
I answered slowly. “I won’t take revenge on him, Kristalyn, it is over. But I don’t know how to forgive him.”
A smile gently appeared, making her face even more beautiful. “One day at a time, Aiden. You have to ask Deus to help you.”
I shook my head. “If I forgive him, I’m left with nothing.”
“I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
I turned back to Ilara’s tree and put my hand on its angry marks once again. “All my life I have hated him for what he’s done to my family. For the past three years, I have fought to learn how to take him down and correct my mistake, my betrayal. You and your Deus are asking me to give all of that up.”
“No, Aiden,” Kristalyn whispered, coming to stand directly behind me. She placed a hand on my shoulder and I felt her lean her head between my shoulder blades. “We are asking that you follow a different path and leave justice to Deus. Your life has never been worthless. You’ve done so much since you’ve been gone, including freeing an entire nation. You chose a different path when you didn’t kill Duard. Now, take the next step on that path and forgive him.”
I turned to face her and caught her arms in my hands. “And where will this path lead? Will my family be able to come home or will Deus require I give that up as well?”
She lifted her chin to stare into my eyes and for a moment, their green depths captured me and I had to force myself to focus on her words. “Taerith is already home, Aiden. And he chose forgiveness. Deus is giving you everything you need to trust him. You have to open your eyes and see it.” She paused and raised her hand to stroke it along my scuffed face. “If you had killed Duard, we would have lost you, Aiden. But now when you family comes home, they will know the big brother they love. Walk the path. Deus will help you.”
With that she took a step back and my hands fell from her shoulders. The look she gave me was one I had only caught briefly once before, right before I had entered my fight with Duard. But now, instead of fear it held hope… and love. Her eyes spoke of it so clearly, whether she was attempting to hide it or not, I couldn’t tell, but it didn’t matter. If I had doubted it before, and I had, there was no doubt now.
I turned away as she walked back to the clearing. Even if she did love me, I still wasn’t worthy of her and she would not be with me because Deus was not first. I had no illusions. Deus was the most important one to her and would always come before me. And I could not even ask his help to forgive, let alone to put him first above my family. Was I so destined to lose everything I cared about?
I knocked my fist against the tree and felt the flash of pain as the rough bark drove into it.
Why, Deus? Why do you require everything? I shouted, but only in my mind.
Why should I require less, my son?
Deus?
I AM here, Aiden, as always.
Why, Deus? Why have you been chasing me?
You already know the answer to that, my child. You gave it to your siblings long ago.
How could a God of love allow all this?
Could you have done better then, Aiden? Could you take every single thread that has occurred here and make it into a masterpiece that works for everyone’s best?
No. But so many have been hurt. I cried out with all the pain I felt inside.
I know, my son. You have been hurt greatly and so have others. But in that pain you have all grown, learned, and done things that otherwise would never have been possible.
Wasn’t there a better way?
Only if I had taken away your power to make your own choices. That you would have hated above all else.
And still you require more. I thought bitterly.
Yes. I require it all.
Why? Why should I follow a God who allows such thing and gives excuses for that?
Aiden, you are so sure of yourself. So sure that you alone know the outcome of all your choices. Have I not already proven you wrong on that? Or have you forgotten Little Emma?
Emma. Her name and face flashed through my mind. I had killed her older brother while she watched. I had left her alone in the world with no one to care what happened to her. I had known that something was wrong with the job, but I had done it anyway. It had been because of her that I had decided I could no longer do jobs the same way.
Is she okay?
Do you care, Aiden?
Yes.
It was you who put her there, your choice.
I made a mistake.
Yes.
No excuses, no comfort, just the cold fact. I had put her there. It had been the wrong choice and I had known that, but I had chosen to do it anyway. Because of my choice, she would forever be without her brother.
Yes, Aiden, because of your choice. I told you it was wrong, but you ignored Me.
You were there?
I’m always there, Aiden, and always watching.
I’m sorry, Deus. I didn’t want her to be alone.
You didn’t bother to check, Aiden. You thought only of yourself and your so called mission. You are sorry, but do you want forgiveness?
Just like that? You would forgive me?
I AM forgiveness, Aiden, just as I am perfect Justice.
Justice? What happened because of Emma?
Find her and you will see what has become of her. As for your justice, Aiden, when you ask for forgiveness I will pay with my own Son’s blood for all your sins. More immediately, it was because My justice that you took on both Travon and Magnar. You have not failed either of them.
You planned that?
Man is always planning his own path. But it is I who direct his steps.
Mine led me back here.
Yes.
But I didn’t kill Duard. I failed in that.
Why do you believe that?
I became strong so that I could defeat him! I let my family down, Deus. I failed them again.
Aiden, my stubborn child, do you not see? Answer this, did you become strong enough to kill Duard or strong enough not to kill him?
Strong enough not too…. I don’t understand.
There is more than one type of strength. You sought to make yourself physically strong and to grow in your hatred. That path can only lead to destruction for all involved. Yes, even your family and you, Aiden. But there is a second type of strength. The strength you and your brother have shown, to end it all without the need for vengeance. You have allowed me to deal justice to Duard and I will. But for you one more step is still needed.
Why do I have to forgive him, Deus?
Because until you do, he will always hold power over you. No matter whether he lives or dies, he will lead your emotions to bitterness. Only by forgiving him can you give that up and open yourself to the love you now push aside.
I sank to the ground, the weight of the two options pushing on my shoulders. I could feel Ilara’s tree behind me and in my mind I could see the angry marks she had left behind. The tree would forever bear those marks. They were a part of it now. Was it the same with me? Would my hatred and refusal to forgive Duard mark me in such a disfigured way?
I didn’t have to ask Deus. I knew the answer, but I couldn’t just let go either.
“I can’t forgive him on my own.” I spoke out loud now.
No.
“I need your help.”
Yes.
“To get your help, I have to give it all up though, don’t I?”
I require all of you, yes.
“Even my family?”
Especially your family, Aiden. You must trust their future to me.
“What if something happens to them?”
Like Kristalyn, you must follow what I tell you and trust that I will take care of them because of my love for you all.
“That’s not easy, Deus.”
If it was, Aiden, there would be no reason for you to trust me. Come to me, Aiden. I AM peace and I will give you rest. When your trials come, I will help you through them. I have never left you, Aiden, and I will never forsake you. But you must humble yourself and ask for that help.
Deus had been hounding me from the very first and I could run no longer. I was so tired, tired of fighting, of failing, and of trying. I wanted to rest and I wanted the peace that Wren said she had discovered. But I had one last objection.
“I’m not worthy, Deus.” I whispered. “I’m a failure.”
Nothing I created is worthless, Aiden, and certainly not you. I will make you worthy. This is my promise to you.
I felt the wetness in my eyes again. “I’ve done so much wrong. I’ve killed so many. I don’t deserve your help, Deus. But I can’t forgive Duard without you and I can’t fight anymore. What can you possibly want from someone as broken as me?”
Only you, Aiden. I want you to follow me and what I ask of you. Ask me for help and for peace. Ask me for forgiveness. It is yours for the asking, my son.
My hands came up to my face and I rubbed it hard. That sounded good. I was broken and beaten, but Deus still wanted me to follow him. He had no illusions. He knew exactly what I was and what I had done. Yet, it would seem His love was unconditional and more than anything in the world, it was all I had left.
“I’m asking, Deus.” I whispered. “Take and heal me, Deus.” And my voice got stronger. “Forgive me of everything I have done. Help me to make it right!” I raised my fists in the air and I could feel them shaking. “Forgive me!” I screamed into the air and then collapsed to the ground, breathing hard.
Slowly, my breathing become steady and the muscles in my neck loosened. My shoulders feel gently down and a warm took over my body. A relaxing stream flowed over me and as I lay half collapsed on the ground, for the first time in my memory I felt peace.
And it was good.
***
I will never know how long I spent on that woods’ floor. I only know that when I finally stood, a new peace and a new strength flowed through my blood and mind. For the first time, I felt free.
As I walked into the clearing, even my home looked as if it was new. There were people and animals there now, both those that Taerith had brought with him and those that had returned with me. The rest of our family was still missing, but Deus would bring them home when it was time. I had only to fulfill the last of my part.
I looked neither to the right nor the left as I moved towards the house, though I could feel Travon and Magnar’s eyes on me. Stepping inside, I could see Egan resting on a shelf, Kurioden under him. Both looked up at my entrance then settled down again, Egan with a small bit of smoke. Kristalyn wasn’t in the room, but Taerith looked up at me from Duard’s bed side. I glanced at him and he nodded then headed for the door.
I stepped to Daurd’s bed and took Taerith’s place. Duard looked so old and far too weak to live much longer. Yet, when his eyes met mine, the same black coldness from years of hatred remained alive and well. Those eyes froze me.
Deus! I can’t! My mind called for the only One who could save me.
I will help you, Aiden. Just as I promised. He cannot hurt you. Speak, for I am with you.
I felt myself nodding and Duard gave me a strange look.
“You are forgiven, Duard, for everything you have done,” I spoke the words firmly.
Duard tried to laugh, but he didn’t quite manage it. “You forgive me?” He wheezed. “Your eyes lie. You want vengeance.”
I looked at him for a moment as I searched inside myself, but I could find only Deus’ promised peace and I smiled. “You’re wrong. You only want to keep me under you, Duard. But you’ve lost. Your power over me is broken. I suggest you make your own peace with Deus. You’ll be meeting him soon.”
“By your hand!” Duard spat.
“In Deus timing,” I replied calmly and stood to leave.
“You’ll never be free of me, Aiden!” Duard called one last threat, but even he didn’t sound as if he believed his words.
I knew he was wrong. Any time I felt the old hatred and anger, I had only to call on Deus. It was with that knowledge that my reply was strong.
“I already am.”
***
“Aiden! Aiden!” Taerith’s hand shaking my shoulder raised me from my sleep early the next morning.
“What is it?” I asked, coming alert.
“He’s dead. Duard is finally dead.”
The news took a moment to sink into my mind.
It was over. He was finally gone.
“We need to burn the body.”
I nodded and got up.
Together, we wrapped the body and took it out into the woods. Working quickly, a space was cleared and a small funeral pyre was built. As the body burned, the smoke rose in a circle ever higher.
“He blessed us all just before he died,” Taerith muttered as we watched.
“Did he? Maybe he found some peace then,” I answered quietly.
“And if he did?” Taerith asked, looking at me.
“Deus can worry about that. I do not care either way. My peace was made already.”
Taerith nodded. “As was mine.”
We finished watching in silence until the fire burned low. Taerith left then, but I waited until it was completely out.
It was finally over. It was almost an overwhelming feeling and yet almost a let down. After so long, a life time of torture and three years of separation and hate, it was all finally over. No more could Duard hurt us, unless we let him. I was glad I had given that fight to Deus as well. And I could almost feel Deus’ smile.
I walked back to the house with a feeling of deep relief on my chest. Taerith met me outside the main house.
“I need to send this.” He held out a piece of paper to me.
“Egan can probably get it to wherever it needs to go as long as we get Kristalyn to ask him,” I replied, taking the small note.
When I read it, a smile broke out over my face and I clapped Taerith on the back.
My dear brothers and sisters, Come home. Taerith
